I get moody on the weekends. Kinda cranky, kinda irritable, kinda way more introverted than usual...
...and I think a lot of it has to do with "Nerd Night".
It's not the fact that all these people come over and hang out and play games. That's not it at all. In fact, I rather like the idea of having a weekly game night. It's cool.
I just find myself increasingly frustrated by the purposelessness and lack of productivity that characterize the people that end up hanging out over the weekend.
Maybe it's just that I've always disliked weekends. Routine goes down the drain, and you never really know if it's going to be a good day or a bad one... at least, that's how it was growing up. The stability of school/work is gone, and time stretches endless and unstructured before you. Meals may or may not happen. I may or may not be locked in my room. We may or may not go to church. G may or may not be in a crappy mood. Mom may or may not be happy.
The days were just... blah. Empty. Purposeless. Threatening.
And it's different, when you work hard during the week and then on your days off you want to just chill, like C does, or his brother D. But even then, they aren't just constant vegetables, you know? They do stuff, they read things, they learn, they discuss...
S and his friends... when they're over here, they watch stupid, mindless shows/cartoons or play video games. They sit. Or they go to the store for more soda. That's pretty much it.
And I hate, hate, hate coming out the morning after Nerd Night to find my house dirty, some person on the couch, and everyone just... sitting. All day. Dishes in the sink don't matter. The messed up living room doesn't matter (because as long as you're sitting in the mess, it doesn't exist, right?).
It's just so... unproductive. So pointless. I hate having all that in my space.
I just have to remind myself that it's not that much longer... and when we get our house, we won't have people staying over, lingering the whole weekend. Right now, it's S's friends, so I can't say anything... 'cause he lives here too.
But it's these pointless people... Dirtying my house. Eating my food. Disrupting my study time. Taking up my space. Stinking up the house with their smelly feet.
Can you tell I'm annoyed? I get this way.
It threatens my routine. It poisons my vibe. I don't like it.
Get the hell out of my house.
Go be pointless somewhere else.
Note: I talked to C about it when he got home... actually, I apologized in advance for being cranky, and he insisted that I tell him why I would be cranky. He says he understands and it's okay. He also pointed out that, while I'm okay with the idea of Nerd Night, I have a difficult time with the reality of it. He's right. I don't mind it in theory at all, I think it's a cool thing. However, it's the reality that accompanies it-- the loud noises late into the night, the dirtying of the house, the extra people, etc...
We didn't come to any conclusions about it, as in there were no offers made to change anything and I didn't demand any. When we're in our house, C will have a "man cave" where they'll be playing. It'll be a different situation entirely, and I know this... so I can deal with these annoyances now. It's really not worth making a big deal about, especially because it's partially just how S chooses to live his life. I can't be like, "I don't like your life; knock it off!"
Anyway, it just felt good to express my frustrations, to be heard and understood, and for it to be okay that I was annoyed without any negative repercussions.
I did, however, make it a point to ask C last night if they could have Nerd Night somewhere else next week, as it will be the weekend before both of my finals on Monday, and I MUST have that time to study and sleep.
Note within the note: C has begun voluntarily including me in his finances, so I know where his bank accounts are at and how much he can expect to be pulling in the next month or so, how much he'll be paying in bills, and just about when he'll be ready to get the ball rolling. Just a couple more paychecks...! Anyway, it makes me feel good that he's including me in that; it puts me at ease, and I feel trusted. Since he's mostly supporting me now, it probably feels more like we've got the "joint finance" thing going on than before.
...and I think a lot of it has to do with "Nerd Night".
It's not the fact that all these people come over and hang out and play games. That's not it at all. In fact, I rather like the idea of having a weekly game night. It's cool.
I just find myself increasingly frustrated by the purposelessness and lack of productivity that characterize the people that end up hanging out over the weekend.
Maybe it's just that I've always disliked weekends. Routine goes down the drain, and you never really know if it's going to be a good day or a bad one... at least, that's how it was growing up. The stability of school/work is gone, and time stretches endless and unstructured before you. Meals may or may not happen. I may or may not be locked in my room. We may or may not go to church. G may or may not be in a crappy mood. Mom may or may not be happy.
The days were just... blah. Empty. Purposeless. Threatening.
And it's different, when you work hard during the week and then on your days off you want to just chill, like C does, or his brother D. But even then, they aren't just constant vegetables, you know? They do stuff, they read things, they learn, they discuss...
S and his friends... when they're over here, they watch stupid, mindless shows/cartoons or play video games. They sit. Or they go to the store for more soda. That's pretty much it.
And I hate, hate, hate coming out the morning after Nerd Night to find my house dirty, some person on the couch, and everyone just... sitting. All day. Dishes in the sink don't matter. The messed up living room doesn't matter (because as long as you're sitting in the mess, it doesn't exist, right?).
It's just so... unproductive. So pointless. I hate having all that in my space.
I just have to remind myself that it's not that much longer... and when we get our house, we won't have people staying over, lingering the whole weekend. Right now, it's S's friends, so I can't say anything... 'cause he lives here too.
But it's these pointless people... Dirtying my house. Eating my food. Disrupting my study time. Taking up my space. Stinking up the house with their smelly feet.
Can you tell I'm annoyed? I get this way.
It threatens my routine. It poisons my vibe. I don't like it.
Get the hell out of my house.
Go be pointless somewhere else.
Note: I talked to C about it when he got home... actually, I apologized in advance for being cranky, and he insisted that I tell him why I would be cranky. He says he understands and it's okay. He also pointed out that, while I'm okay with the idea of Nerd Night, I have a difficult time with the reality of it. He's right. I don't mind it in theory at all, I think it's a cool thing. However, it's the reality that accompanies it-- the loud noises late into the night, the dirtying of the house, the extra people, etc...
We didn't come to any conclusions about it, as in there were no offers made to change anything and I didn't demand any. When we're in our house, C will have a "man cave" where they'll be playing. It'll be a different situation entirely, and I know this... so I can deal with these annoyances now. It's really not worth making a big deal about, especially because it's partially just how S chooses to live his life. I can't be like, "I don't like your life; knock it off!"
Anyway, it just felt good to express my frustrations, to be heard and understood, and for it to be okay that I was annoyed without any negative repercussions.
I did, however, make it a point to ask C last night if they could have Nerd Night somewhere else next week, as it will be the weekend before both of my finals on Monday, and I MUST have that time to study and sleep.
Note within the note: C has begun voluntarily including me in his finances, so I know where his bank accounts are at and how much he can expect to be pulling in the next month or so, how much he'll be paying in bills, and just about when he'll be ready to get the ball rolling. Just a couple more paychecks...! Anyway, it makes me feel good that he's including me in that; it puts me at ease, and I feel trusted. Since he's mostly supporting me now, it probably feels more like we've got the "joint finance" thing going on than before.
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