Desperate...

Do you ever just get really desperate feeling? Is it just me? I mean, not the kind of desperate where you think that you don't want to live anymore or the world would be better off without you, but the kind of desperate where you think, How am I going to keep  making this work? Where am I gonna get the money for these bills that never stop coming?!

I know I'm supposed to ask Bomb Dad for $ to pay the bills-- that's what he wants me to do, that's what he's agreed to, even though he has absolutely no obligation to, especially now that he and Mom are divorced… but he's one of the best people I know. Seriously. And that's why I hate hate hate asking him for money… again. And again. And again and again and again… I asked for several hundred last time, just a few weeks ago… and now I'm already up against a wall and need more. How can this be?! I don't understand how it goes so quick… well, maybe I do. I need at least $300 a month just to get to my pain doctor and back, and to afford the meds, and that's a very conservative estimate.

I'm just… being driven crazy with pain, watching my dwindling supplies of medication... It always freaks me out to be running out when I get close to appointment time, even though I'm supposed to be out in 30 days… I just hate watching it happen. Makes me jumpy. Just a holdover from the years when I couldn't get consistent or adequate help for my pain, and I had to make everything last as long as possible while trying to either get or stay semi-functional.

My ride for the munch is here. More later. I'm hoping that socializing with my friends will help alleviate pain and bring my mood up. Crossed fingers!

1 thoughts:

  • Catherine | June 11, 2015 at 6:40 AM

    I know that desperate feeling a lot too. Just recently I had trouble filling my meds and it was so scary. My meds are what keep me alive, even missing one dose makes me super suicidal. Yesterday I was finally able to get my meds as I was totally out and once again my insurance said there were problems. Luckily it worked out, but I ended up having a panic attack on the way home. It's scary not knowing if you will get something that you really need.

    I am sorry you are struggling but I hope seeing your friends will help. Also remember he is offering to help because he cares about you, I know it is so hard to ask for help though.

    xo, C

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