You know what?

I got the flu. It was pretty awful the first night, got somewhat better the next day, and today I'm doing even better. Still not "better" better, but better... if that makes sense. :)

I spent yesterday lying in bed, watching movies on my computer. They're all those "Feature Family Films" movies, because my gramma collects them, and it seems that they were all set back in the 50's for some reason.

They're all about love, and faith, and family. It was neat. Kinda like how country music used to be.

And you know what? I had to come face to face with this notion in my head that somehow I don't deserve love like everyone else. I mean, I was pretty out of it yesterday, so I didn't delve into the subject too deeply, but I challenged the idea.

And I wonder, I really wonder, if that's what I'm so afraid about with romantic relationships. I'm really scared of meeting someone amazing, because I don't feel that I'm worth someone amazing. J tells me that I am amazing, and deserve someone awesome (better than D, she says lol), but the thought scares me. Not to mention the transiency of all we experience in this world.... I mean, truly, life, love, youth-- they can all be snatched away in an instant, in the time it takes to draw a breath. And that is scary, too. Because what if I let down my guard and become truly, deeply committed to and in love with someone and then they're taken away?

I do wonder, which hurts worse-- unrequited love, or love lost? I've been through both, I guess, so it seems to me that love lost hurts worse, and lingers longer.

But I do deserve to be loved. I do. Just as much as anyone else. I don't deserve to be ignored. I don't deserve to be hurt. I deserve to be respected and valued and cherished, just like any woman. I'm through poking around trash heaps for treasure. I'm done settling because I'm afraid. I'm done hoping that any old guy will take me, because I don't feel like I have anything to offer.

No way. I have potential. I have strength. I have talents and skills and intelligence. I have a love for God that will carry me through tough times.

I am a valuable asset.

Now... I just hope someone else will agree with me! I don't want to end up a haughty old maid.