Drinking it away

Another rough few days. Pain has been quite bad, and the meds that I'm taking only take it back down to the "Okay, I guess I won't kill myself" level. There is no such thing as pain relief, only pain dampening.

I got turned down for my new pain killer prescription last night, after some crazy runaround with different pharmacies because the one didn't have enough to fill it, etc. It was some pharmacist that I didn't know who called me and told me they couldn't fill it, and the tone of his voice was... humiliating. Like I was hoarding the drugs to sell, or trying to get more than my fair share so I could get high or something.

So I went home and drank some rum, which served to make me just not really care about the pain or my sadness and frustration anymore. Today I'm nauseous (what's new?) and very tired, but I don't know if that's backlash from drinking or just normal fibro stuff?

I do like my rheumatologist. She takes me seriously and is genuinely trying to help me. She's switched my appointments from being every two months to every month, so we can more closely monitor my condition and adjust med dosages. Also, that way I will be less tempted to take more pain killers than I've been prescribed, which I'm totally guilty of doing. That's how I got into this whole mess with the hydrocodone. It's just that... when the meds you're taking aren't helping, it's so easy to double up the dose and get the relief that you are so desperate for. So anyway, I signed a contract with the rheum's office yesterday, and gave them urine for a drug test. I'm now subject to random drug tests if they want them, which is fine. I want to be, and mostly am, a responsible patient. I just don't want to live my life in a weepy, couch-ridden daze.

Anyway, I've got some stuff to do this morning despite my fatigue, so I'd better get to it. I'm waiting for a call back from the rheum's office as to what to do about this pain med situation. Again, she takes me seriously, so I know I can trust her to help me out. I'm really glad that I can trust my doctor. So many of the chronic illness survivors I know spend a lot of energy looking for a doc they can trust.

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