Still working with depression. Where I'm at in the menstrual cycle isn't helping. I suspect that part of it is due to hormones. Regardless, today was an off day, mentally. Sort of.

I am damn tired. Worn down. Beat up. This effing pain just won't quit, won't go away, and it's driving me insane. I mean, I can take it, and have been taking it, but you can only take so much, you know? I always tell myself that tomorrow will be the day I snap, because tomorrow never comes, so I'll always make it through today. Heh.

Today, though, I was a bit rebellious. Maybe I just gave into the "eff it" mentality, and maybe I just wanted to stop trying so hard to be good when it seems to help so little, if at all. Yeah, I ate something that I am really not supposed to. I think I am allergic to every single ingredient. Regardless, it was yummy. If I hadn't eaten that small portion of the forbidden goodness, I was legitimately going to go out and buy a pizza and a donut today. Cheese and veggies, and Bavarian creme. It was all planned out. But I didn't. Because of the other (free) thing. And while I didn't have any gut reactions to it (yet), I did have a small amount of throat swelling and itchiness/rawness. It felt like I had a mild throat infection. Scary. So now that it's more than just my guts involved, I'll probably be better about being strict... which means not cheating once or twice a year. (Really? Can I get much better about avoiding allergens? C and I don't kiss after he's eaten allergic stuff, and we even use separate sponges for crying out loud!!)

While I was out running errands, I also picked up a pint of ice cream for myself (safe ice cream!) and a bunch of movies from the library. I've spent the rest of the day watching movies and eating the entire thing of ice cream. Guess who doesn't care? This girl!

C will be home soon. That means he can finish watching The Fantastic 4 with me. I love that movie, simply because Jessica Alba is so smoking hot. I could watch her all day. C and I are supposed to take a walk when he gets home, though... which will be good for me, pain or no. I need to work off that ice cream. Hah. (Oh yeah... and those 13 boxes of cookies.)

Quick note of happiness: When C and I went back to PetSmart to exchange harnesses for Juneaux, the cashier asked me about my walking stick, since he's only ever seen me with my walker before. He asked what disease I had (one of the first to assume I didn't have some sort of acute injury!), and when I gave him a brief explanation of fibromyalgia (and mentioned the connective tissue disease too, but no explanation) he looked me in the eyes and said, "So you're just really tough, then." We all laughed, but that comment lit a warm glow inside me. I really appreciated the acknowledgment of how hard it is to live in constant pain from someone who doesn't see anything but a passing glimpse, and yet still sees how hard it is. That was cool. And you know what the funny part is? I'll wager that he has no idea how much that passing comment meant to me, or that I'll remember it for a long time to come.

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