Ren faire!!! Well, the little local one, anyway. My friend K devised an ingenious footrest/sling for the Chariot so that I was able to sit and be pushed around by C most of the time. Despite that, I am very much paying for my outing today, but you know what? I totally don't care! It was worth it.

It was so nice to get out of the house, and I'd hoarded pain pills against this day. I also didn't use them all, so I should (hopefully) have enough to get me through to my pain appointment tomorrow, but only just. I'm trying to spend most of the time in a drugged sleep, surfacing only long enough to pack and prepare for my appointment. I know I'm overdosing on stuff that I'm not supposed to be overdosing, but it's either that or stay awake with the pain and let it feed on itself… which means that it'll take more pills than I have to break the pain cycle. Sometimes, though, I get this nice little buzz, a cozy sort of warm fuzziness, off of the sleeping meds (depending on circumstances, how much I've taken, how much is still in my system, etc.) and it feels good. That in and of itself kind of scares me, but it's nice to feel something other than pain for a change. As of right now, I can feel the last batch I took (about half an hour ago) starting to kick in. My intense headache is being muffled, my eyes are getting kinda heavy, and I just feel a little… fuzzy. And slightly dizzy. But mostly fuzzy.

Want to see pictures of the foot sling? Check it out-- kickboxing wraps for the straps, a couple of carabiners, and a wire shelf that looks suspiciously like a baking rack.

Also, the urge struck me (and I had hours to kill while C was sleeping), so I took the time to do my makeup today. I have some eyeshadow tutorials on Pinterest that I used as an inspiration, since I pretty much have no idea what I'm doing, but I think it came out well. I just hate putting on makeup because it takes so much effort to take it off again! Wish I'd gotten a picture of me in garb as well, but I didn't think of it… so here's me in my pajamas! lol

My hands are stiff and hurting a little today, and my shoulders are absolutely killing me, so I'll keep this brief.

I talked to my madre this morning for quite some time. It was great! I miss her. She also helped me to sort through something that has really been affecting me since it came up (more on that later), and told me humorous anecdotes about the pigs on her boyfriend's pig farm.There's one pig that she named Sugar, so when she gets pregnant and has babies we're going to call them SugarBabies. My suggestion was Sugar Cubes, which led to the thought of naming each one after a different type of sugar, like Granulated, Powdered, Dark Brown, Light Brown, Cane, etc. We had a good laugh over that one.

I saw my rheumatologist today. She was not happy to see my walker, but I've brought it in before and it seems she didn't notice it then. She said that she feels it's "a crutch" (it's a walker, silly! kidding...), but I told her that I see it as a valuable tool and explained why and how I use it, and she was satisfied. After going over my developing symptoms, she told me that we need to be sure of what it is we're treating. The pain in my hands and feet caused her to re-order some tests after poking, prodding, and rotating me for a bit, because fibro doesn't follow this path of development she says. So I may be dealing with an entirely different beast, which wouldn't surprise me. A lot of these things have overlapping symptoms that mimic one another. I see her again in a month, so I'll know more then. Also, I got a referral to a pain specialist! She found the only one here in town that takes my insurance and is accepting patients, so she's getting me in. I could kiss her. She also changed my pain killers from hydrocodone to oxycodone, which is Percocet. I was on that briefly after the big accident, and I remember that it metabolized well with me, so I'm hopeful. I made it a point to inform her that I have not been abusing my prescription drugs, since we had that "talk" last time. Anyway, it was a good visit, and a quick, efficient one. I am satisfied.

I cooked lunch today! During my appointment, I was struck with a strong craving for rice and fish, which I indulged. I cooked the salmon with minced onions, some seasonings, and a bit of agave-sweetened apple cider vinegar. It was pretty phenomenal. What's more, it's staying down quite well. I'm even still hungry after waiting for a bit, so I think I'll follow it up with an apple. I am just being very careful not to eat too much, because I really don't want to relapse again. Every time I do, it's more miserable. But I'm making good progress in getting back to regular eating habits, or even eating habits that were better than the ones I'd fallen into. I'd like to cook more often, and I intend to make the effort. My intentions are good; we'll see about the follow through.

It's been a good couple of days. Yes, I've been sick as a dog, but I've read some good books, cuddled with my husband, talked to J and my mom, and watched some good movies. Oh, and done good stuff with work. I'm totally wiped out, but I feel good about how things are going.

C has had the past two days off, which has been nice. He's been working so much overtime lately, and I've been so drugged off and on, it seems like we've hardly gotten to see one another. Of course, we have our routine that works quite well, but getting to spend two whole days together was a real treat. On Friday, we ran errands. C's paycheck had finally hit the bank, so we paid off some of the bill from when his truck broke down, and then we bought groceries. It was a good thing he got paid when he did, because both of us were down to almost nothing in food, despite getting creative.

We took my car, since his truck didn't have gas yet and mine did. My car, Shenandoah, is also the only vehicle with a cd player or radio, but a song came on the radio that I HATE, so C suggested I put in a cd. I put in Queen's greatest hits, and as we drove along C was singing along with it, so I joined him. I swear, it was just like a movie or something. A young couple in love and having fun, driving along in the bright sunshine, singing with the radio to their favorite songs, enjoying one another and the day... it was truly, truly fun. It fed the part of my soul that thrives on spontaneity and joy.

Funny story that highlights my fibro fog... I took my walker with me into the store, as I've been in extreme pain of late. (But since I got back on the gabapentin, every day it's a little less, which is something to be truly grateful for.) C let me take over pushing the cart somewhere in the store, and it wasn't until the end-ish of our excursion that I felt overwhelmed by pain and fatigue and wanted to sit down on my walker... only to realize that I'd left it somewhere. I left my walker somewhere in the store. Hah! I found it easily enough, but I'm glad that I realized I'd left it before we checked out and went home. :) It was sitting forlornly near the root vegetables. Poor Bling Chariot.

After getting home, we watched some of the sci-fi show that we've begun watching through together. It's called Farscape, and it's from the late 90's, early 2000's. Despite being about 13 years old, it's really good and it makes me think a lot. It's also really funny. I'm really enjoying watching through this one with C, even more than the last anime we went through together. This is kind of a hobby that bonds the two of us; a couple's activity. C will choose a show he thinks I'll like, one that I haven't seen before, and we'll watch the whole thing together. The only time we haven't finished one is when we were going through Bleach, and that's because I got bored because it seemed repetitive to me.

After a while, the guys came over for DnD, and I hung out and read/played on the computer until I was ready for bed.

The next day, Saturday, was a truly lazy day that I enjoyed. I've been waking up early, like 6'ish, and moving to the couch to play on the internet/read/do stuff until C wakes up and goes to work. After that, I'll accomplish larger housework tasks, because I'm not afraid of waking him up. At any rate, C came out and joined me on the couch... sorta. We engaged in marital privileges a bit vigorously, but I didn't realize how few spoons I had, so I ended up using all of them on that one activity. C put in Farscape, and we proceeded to watch a good portion of the first season. I'm talking hours worth of the show, here. We paused it for regular bathroom and food breaks, and somewhere in the mid-afternoon we got dressed and went to the store in search of sea salt. They were out, but we walked over to the pet store and considered fish for C's tank and looked at the other animals. Upon arriving home, we ended up napping on the couch for several hours. C hadn't slept the night before and the heat really drained me, so we slept a long time. When I woke up I read for a while, and C was playing an online MMO with some of our friends who were online at the time, but then he came back out and we watched more Farscape until I was sleepy, which was about 1 am. We only have 6 episodes left in the first season, and we watched the bulk of the others yesterday.

It was a nice, easy, lazy day, and I really enjoyed spending the time with C. Some people think that watching a show together doesn't count as spending time together, because you're focused on something else, but the show actually stimulated some very interesting philosophical and anthropological discussions while we were watching. Also, we cuddled a lot, despite my being quite twitchy.

There is one thing that I must mention, and it is this: when we left to go grocery shopping on Friday, there was a package waiting in front of the door. I hadn't ordered anything, but my name was on it, so I opened it. It wasn't a bomb, but instead it was an entire case of Cassandra-safe cookies!!! Some mysterious benefactor ordered an entire case of the one store-bought cookie that I can eat, and had it sent to my house. I flipped out in a big way (in a good way), as I love surprises, and this is like... the ultimate surprise. Also, I was raised by my mother, whose primary love language is gifts, so to receive such a thoughtful gift, and as a surprise no less, reaches into my heart and tweaks every "feels" wire that I've got. I was jumping up and down and shouting and really just haywire with excitement, and I'm still so happy about it. It's not about the cookies, though they're delicious (and I'm having a hard time exercising self control!), but it's about the thoughtfulness and intention behind the cookies. An entire case. Man. Can you believe it? I'm stoked. And no, the mysterious benefactor has not revealed themselves as of yet. C and I both kind of thought it was M, but it wasn't. It is something like he would do, but I must look elsewhere for my secret gift giver.

Anyway, back to the regular week and C's regular routine. He has more overtime coming up, so we'll only get one day together as a day off, but that's okay. He's working so hard to keep us afloat, and I make sure to let him know how much I appreciate that, and him. He seems to like that :)

So I've discovered that I absolutely despise buckwheat hot cereal.

I hated it the first time I had it the other day, but I thought, "Hey, maybe I did it wrong. I'll give it another shot before I condemn it."

Alas, no. It is intrinsically gross. The only good thing about that bowl of buckwheat cereal I choked down was the butter and maple syrup I put into it. It was kind of like a really disgusting liquid pancake. When I do the butter and syrup thing with rice grits, it tastes like a liquid pancake-- pure heaven! I have to be careful how much butter I put in, though, because apparently I'm secretly either Southern or French and it's really easy for me to just load it in there.

In other news, I carted a bunch of stuff over to the new house, and I cleaned it all up so it's now move-in ready. Next move is packing boxes full of the things that we aren't using and taking those over. I need to stop being so picky about organizing everything before I begin to pack it, because that's just spending extra time. I should organize and sort while I pack, then I'm getting two birds with one stone! And as far as packing materials go, we don't have any newspaper or such... but we do have an abundance of towels, and I just picked up a couple sets of sheets, so I'll just use those. Then, when we unpack everything, I can just store the towels and sheets on the shelves I'm going to put up above the washer and dryer. We have no cupboards or linen closet for that, so I had to get a little creative.

I'm excited to be nesting and settling down in my little house. Apparently C took his brother and some others over to the house last week to show it off, so it would seem that he's excited, too.

More than just the house itself, I'm excited about what it symbolizes for me. To me, it symbolizes the life that C and I are building together, the solid foundation of "us" that we're working from that can weather any storm. Our life together has not been what we thought it would be, but it is better than I could have imagined. I love that man so very much, and I'm so happy and proud to be setting up the house that I will be sharing with him for many days (and years?) to come.

I have requested (and C agreed) that we have a celebratory barbecue once the house is all moved and settled into... Kind of like a housewarming party in reverse. Like, "here, let us give you food and show you how grateful we are for all the support you've given us... and for helping us move." 'Cause the guys are totally going to help us move the furniture, that's just a given.

So. Birthday. (I figure that, since I can't sleep due to pain, now is as good a time as any to blog, yes?)

The night before my birthday was, well... not the greatest. I mean, parts of it were, and parts of it weren't, so as a whole, I (being human) tend to let the negative parts influence the positive parts.

C got home from work and realized that he needed to do laundry, and I wasn't doing anything, so we packed on over to his dad's house to throw a load in. We were already going to watch a movie while we waited, but D suggested that we watch Inception, which I had yet to see. We did, and it was a great movie-- very engaging-- but I grew tired about halfway through and could have easily gone to bed. I forced myself to stay awake, however, until the movie was over. By the time we got home, I was already cranky from being tired and hungry, and then C decided that, in order to reset his internal clock, he was going to stay up all night.

That's not a problem, in and of itself, although I do miss his presence in the bed next to me. The problem is that when he decides to stay up, that means that he's going to be playing on the computer. Again, not a problem... except that the computer is on the desk, right next to the bed. There's no where else to put it in this dinky little apartment. It didn't used to be a problem, but as the fibromyalgia and consequent sleep disturbances get worse, the sound of him playing on the computer and the ambient light from his two monitors and his oversized tower keep me awake or wake me up after I've already fallen asleep. He's already stopped playing certain games after I go to bed, because the rapid and constant "clickety clack" of the keys really messes with me. I have an eye mask that I wear to help make it dark enough for me to sleep, but I hate wearing the thing, and it doesn't block out all of the light, so... I've been growing increasingly frustrated.

The night before my birthday, I was grumpy and impatient, and knowing that I'd have to put up with that ambient light all night did not make me very happy. However, I realized that it wasn't fair of me to tell him to turn off his computer, because what else was he going to do the whole night? Instead, I packed up a blanket and a couple of pillows and slept on the couch. Before you go and applaud my humility in seeking a compromise, I should admit that I was not happy about it. I was pretty pissed, to be honest. However, I thought through my anger, accepted it, and let it go. It really wasn't anything worth being angry about, and it was definitely exacerbated by my crankiness. C told me later that he thought about how I was probably pretty unhappy, but there wasn't really any other solution he could come to, so he let it go as well.

I did, however, sleep pretty darn well, if not for as long as I would have liked. We had plans to meet J and B for lunch at a really good sushi place, and I wanted to be all dolled up, but since we had the house inspection right before, I knew I'd have to get all fancy before we even showed up for the inspection. So I got up early to make sure that I would have enough time to get dressed up (including curling my hair and doing my makeup!) and get everything else ready for the day. I did.

We headed out to the house inspection in the midst of a light drizzle. I was pretty happy about the cloudy, rainy day, because it seemed like it had been special ordered just for me! ^_^ Also, having rain during the inspection was great, because it let the inspector see if there were any leaks and how the water settled or ran, etc. It was most advantageous. The inspection itself went well, and there are no dealbreakers, so we'll be continuing to pursue this home. We write up and sign another contract tomorrow, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

After the inspection, we met up with J and B at the sushi place, but not before stopping at Walgreens and picking up a few things for C. The poor guy had come down with a cold the night before (staying up all night didn't help, I'm sure), and it was growing worse by the hour. He was a good sport, though, and enjoyed lunch. J and B hurried to get to the restaurant before we did, and they set up a few little things with the waiters to make my day special. For instance, instead of the usual (but gorgeous!) flower-made-of-carrots garnish on the plate, mine held a purple orchid. I didn't realize that they had ordered it especially for me until after we finished eating, and all the wait staff gathered around our table to sing Happy Birthday to me in a special, hand-clappy version of the song. Even C was smiling, singing, and clapping along! It was adorable :) The also brought me a plate with a serving of the strawberry-mochi ice cream that I love so much, and a scoop of another green ice cream that tasted like chocolate. They had written "Happy Birthday" across the plate in chocolate sauce, which was super cool, and a single candle was stuck into the mochi. I made my wish and blew it out, and then we shared the ice cream. (I got most of it, though.)

I had a massage scheduled that day, courtesy of Miss C as a birthday present, but I had gotten a call early that morning that it was canceled because the practitioner was sick. That was fine, because J and I had wanted to go shopping, and she had to get ready for work at three, so the timing wouldn't have worked otherwise. We split up in the parking lot of the restaurant, and J and I headed to Goodwill. I picked up two dresses and matching purses, one of which is a black purse shaped like a coffin with a shiny pleather bat emblazoned on the front. It's wicked cool. I love it. J found that and the brown clutch that I bought while wandering around, waiting for me to finish trying on dresses. For only having set foot in Goodwill for the first time the night before, she's pretty awesome at Goodwill shopping. The night before she found the armchair-style pillow that I was looking for while I tried on yoga pants.

She dropped me off at my house just in time for her to scoot off and get ready for work, and I changed into comfy clothes and hopped on the computer to deal with my fb wall. C came back and sprawled on the bed for a short rest before they had to head out and move another piece of furniture, and I cuddled up next to him. B came over, and we spent some time just hanging out and talking. They got the call and took off to move the furniture, and I continued to just "hang out". That was pretty much the theme of the rest of the day. C and I were going to watch a movie, but he was so tired and sick that he wound up in bed around 7 pm. Although game night had been canceled in honor of my birthday, a bunch of the guys ended up coming over and hanging out to talk strategy anyway, since there was no movie happening that night. It was fun to just hang out and chat while I surfed the internet for a few hours. I was tired myself and went to bed pretty early.

And that was my birthday. It wasn't the "big deal" that it might have been, were I living somewhere else or with other people, but it was nice. The restaurant thing really made it special, and I made it a point to tell B and J that when I thanked them. It was great to spend time with B and J, because B signed on with the Army last week. He's shipping out the weekend before the wedding, which sucks! He's been wanting to be a witness to/part of the wedding for the last seven years, and he was supposed to be C's best man. I mean, it was a no-brainer. He was the one. (Now C's bro D is the best man, which he's happy about. He was joking about fighting B in the "circle of death" for the privilege when we were first planning the wedding.) Well, J had already decided that she and her son were moving back to T to be with her family when B got into the military, whenever that would be. Now, due to timing, she's moving next week. You know what that means? Not only are C and I losing two very good friends, we're both losing our attendants for the wedding! She was supposed to be my maid of honor, and do my bachelorette party with me, and get a massage and a manicure with me the day before, and help throw my bridal shower, and... we're both really sad that she is going to miss all that. Not to mention the fact that we've become real good friends, and I'm going to miss her a ton. I went over the evening before my bday and hung out on her bed and chatted with her for like, four hours while she packed. She gave me a bunch of stuff as she thinned their possessions out, and she jokes that she did it so that I'll cry and miss her when I see it after she's gone. The worst part is that she's totally right! I will. Neither of us have cried in front of one another about her leaving yet, but I know we'll cry when she leaves. (We've each cried privately, and talked to one another about it, but we have sort of vowed not to cry with each other before she leaves, because we feel that it will only start a downward PTSD/depression spiral, since both of us struggle with that.)

Although C was sick, he was a real trooper while he was awake. S and M took off to the convenience store and a fast food joint before all the other guys got there, so the house was empty for a bit. C took advantage of that rather quickly, and took me into the bedroom to give me my birthday spankings. (Do you realize how many swats 25 is? A heck of a lot!!) That, of course, led to other types of celebrations... after which I put him to bed. I was happy, though. It was just what I wanted ^_^

So, yes. It was a good birthday. Oh, and I got a camera from J! Have I even mentioned that yet?? I think I did... Anyway, I'm super stoked about it. I tried it out last night, and it works beautifully... if I can figure out all those blasted buttons. I'm used to a good ol' point-and-shoot. I'm going to have to learn this camera so I can create some truly beautiful art.

One of the best parts about my birthday was learning that we're going to be moving forward with the house. Walking the rooms with C and deciding where to put things did my heart a world of good... but I've been a little restless since. I'm anxious to feather my nest... once it's actually mine, of course!