Feels like the good ol' days...

Yessir, it surely does... Back in the apartment days, getting the kids off to school. Or, later, getting C off to work, then settling in for a long day of... whatever I can find. I am determined that this day will not be an empty, soul-sucking void like the days of yore. Today will be PRODUCTIVE!!

In addition, I'm meeting the family in L-ton later today to go to Goodwill. That's always a plus. Time to take a peek at the budget and see how much I can comfortably part with.

Yet somehow... I almost wish for those uneasy days of my past... Life is so good now on the outside, but the turmoil was a true reflection of the echoing caverns within, and I hate being a fake.

But perhaps this is part of the healing process? Learning to differentiate between realities past and present. I waffle between wanting to totally collapse and just vegetate for an undefined length of time and throwing myself into something so that I can get back to the comfortable old ways of defining my worth and value by what I accomplish. This new way of doing things is scary. How do I know I'm an ok person unless I'm contributing something of worth to my church, my society, my God, my family? Bah. The day will come when I will have unraveled these mysteries of life and lovability.. but not today.

I really need to pray about working for B. I want to, but is it the right thing to do? Time will tell.

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