Stress and questions

It's amazing how much stress can affect the body. I got sick, like, real sick-- a fever, abdominal cramps (and all that accompanies that), loss of appetite, etc.

However, after spending the afternoon and evening in bed, and sleeping 13 hours last night, I found my fever broken this morning, and I feel much better. I even did the dishes. :)

My appetite's still AWOL, but I'm sure it will resurface eventually.

C sat me down yesterday morning as we were preparing (scurrying, really) to take off. She said that as she was having her worship, God impressed her that she needed to let me know that I didn't have to go,  I wasn't obligated to the family or to D and C, and it's okay if I wanted to stay.

Well, I did want to stay. I didn't really want to go, and I wasn't feeling well to boot. So, I stayed.

I've realized that I have to stop trying to "save" the family. I want to be supportive, yes. But how do I do that without trying to assume responsibility for their happiness, welfare, and stress level? Hmmmm...

And I've had these crazy ideas about moving to a different state floating around in my head... Like, hello, that's probably just your escapism going into overdrive!

J and I were talking last night. She helped me to see that I'm, well, rather impulsive. I tend to go from one extreme to another. *Sigh* If only I were a steady person... I try to be. I think I'm doing better. But how much is really just my personality? And is it a bad thing to be this way? And does God work with me being this way, or is he trying to turn me into something else so I can finally interact with him the way I'm supposed to?

How does God speak to people? Like, how does he guide them? Because so many times, I'm praying about decisions and hoping against hope that the decision I'm making because I think that's the direction God wants me to go is really what he wants me to do and I'm not missing something somehow and doing the exact opposite of what he wants me to do. Does anyone else ever feel that way? Or am I the only one? I don't trust my impulses on the big stuff. When it comes to buying a gift for someone, sure, I trust that. I pray about it, I keep looking until I find what I'm looking for, even if I don't know what I'm looking for (if that makes sense). When I see it, I just know. But how come that doesn't work for the big things?

Or does it?

Am I just making things too complicated?

Quite possibly, yes.

Gah.