Please forgive what I foresee as inevitable silence over the next few days. Not only am I preparing for my party (YAY!), but I have doctor's appointments to attend and schedule, etc.

Okay, really… a large portion of my silence is going to be due to the fact that I went to the big city yesterday for my regularly scheduled pain doc and psych appointments, and basically they were a disaster that pretty much devastated me. I'm very much afraid for my future right now. Good vibes/prayers appreciated.

A couple of positives from yesterday, though, were quality time with my Gramma, which was so nice. She was just the right person to be there with me when I broke down (again and again), and it was great to have another intelligent person who has had experience with the healthcare field as a patient to validate my thoughts, feelings, and interpretation of the experience. Another was that, for the first time, an able-bodied person actually was abashed and apologized to me when they came out of the handicapped restroom stall that I had been waiting for ('cause the walker). At that same rest stop, I had a very fun conversation with a homeless tramp named David. Cool guy. Very nice, and intelligent as well. He just prefers to life the life of the tramp, traveling from one place to another because why not? I envy him, in some ways. I've wanted to do that for a long time.

So, yes. Yesterday was awful. Kenobi is coming over today (and I might see the Gypsy briefly, if I'm lucky), and I plan to buy some booze and drink away the pain of yesterday (a little-- does apple ale really count?) while watching Disney movies. He has this talk about cleaning my craft room (awwww, how sweet!), but I think I'd rather just collapse into apathy and animated movies. Just... meh. If I was feeling "fuck it all" before, today is that feeling times… times… um… a whole bunch more!

I am grateful that I have the pain meds to make it through this month safely in hand, though. So I can enjoy my birthday, and our Celebirthsary, and guess what? My next appointment, which Drogo will try to get time off to take me to, is on our anniversary. Hah. So we'll get to spend our anniversary together after all, albeit under kinda lame circumstances. No matter. I just enjoy being with the man.

And with that, I'm out.

*radio static*

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