It's Tubular Tuesday, becauuuuuse.....


My feelings do not define my reality!!!!!


That, and I was able to go to the beach for a short time today.

Triumphant Tales
- I am doing my job, and doing it well.
- I've been consistently achieving my goal of having morning quiet time.
- I've been eating healthfully and well.
- I've been getting (more) consistent exercise- mostly walking.
- I finally got my thyroid prescription! (After trying to get it filled for a week and a half...)

Thankfuls
- A super awesome roommate and a really nice apartment
- Cell phones
- Answered prayers
- Family
- D
- ID friends
- Sunshine
- Gas in my tank
- Safe food!
- A friend's upcoming wedding
- A super amazing sister and her words of encouragement

Thoughts to Ponder
- Worth is subjective. If God thinks I'm worth it, then...
- My response is my responsibility. Your response is your responsibility. (Not mine.)
- I can survive all of my feelings, even if the experience is very uncomfortable. (Thanks, Chrysalis!)

I know I've been lax on keeping up this tradition. It's really something I enjoy- it helps me focus on the positive. So, I'm doing my best to make this tradition consistent. (Otherwise it wouldn't be a tradition, would it? ^_^)

Triumphant Tales
- I've started and maintained the wood stove fire all by myself!
- Got a lot done at work yesterday
- I've checked off several "big" things on my Getting Ready To Go list
- I'm having consistent time with God in the mornings (even if it is just reading a devotional and praying, it's better than nothing!)
- I've come to see myself with a little more clarity
- I survived the crazy hecticness of the past two weeks!!

Thankfuls
- Juneaux. He's such a love-bug. He cheers me up.
- A job (present and future)
- God's provision for my future.
- Closure on the tentative relationship
- Sisters and 5 hour drives to talk
- Friends and family
- The sense of being wanted as people realize I'm leaving

Thoughts to Ponder
- Living one day at a time has its limiting factors- cease worrying about the future.
- My feelings do not dictate who or what I am.
- God cares for me very much, and I am precious to him. Always.

(The title reminds me of the song "2000 Years Ago" by Rescue. I love that song.)

Today, I am 23.

I didn’t really think about making it to this age. I mean, I kind of assumed that I would, but... I thought that I would probably die young. (Not that 23 isn’t young.) The thought of dying young didn’t matter to me, though. I had nothing to live for anyway- no passions, goals, dreams, or pursuits. That has changed.

I’m glad to be alive.

Since it’s Tuesday, I’m going to forego my newfound tradition of Tubular Tuesday (thank you, Chrysalis!), and instead think of 23 things I’m thankful for.

1. People who love me (Yeah, without strings attached, too! Can you believe it?)
2. A surprise visit from my mom, who also loves me (I know that’s not always the case)
3. My cat, who loves me (He does, really. I’m not making it up.)
4. Safe people
5. Healing- emotional, physical, spiritual
6. A job
7. My year in Idaho
8. The ability to hear
9. God- he hasn’t given up on me.
10. Herbal tea with honey
11. A dependable car
12. Options for my future (not everyone has a choice)
13. Delicious, safe food to eat
14. Indoor plumbing
15. Health insurance (It’s been so long, I’ve almost forgotten how to use it!)
16. Racquetball and friends to play with
17. Natural remedies (when they work...)
18. Hot water bottles
19. Learning about tenosynovitis of the abductor picillis(?) longus (deQuervane’s syndrome)
20. Voluntary mediators
21. Cell phones/texting/facebook to keep in touch
22. A laptop of my very own (I’ve had it for a while, but I’m still grateful.)
23. Music and the ability to make it

I know that, when I’m depressed, it can be hard to see what’s good about life, what I’d be missing if I gave it up, or if anyone truly cares. But, truly... I am blessed. I have more than I had ever dared to ask for, and I am very, very grateful.

So Tuesday was crazy-- doing a load of hand-wash laundry, practicing for the concert, taking Juneaux to the vet for his limp, meeting with my sponsor for the first time... Madness. By the time I got home, the internet was off, so I never got to post my Tubular Tuesday.

That's okay-- I just had to wait until the next "T-day" came around! :)

Triumphant Tales

- I got a job, like a real person.

- I've had a series of "good days"

- I can play my guitar solo without looking at my fingers

- I've got my favorite shirt almost mended

- I'm stepping into a new "chapter" in my life (scary? yes.)

- I'm almost 23. I halfway didn't expect to live this long.


Thankfuls

- Enhanced perspective

- Individuality

- Families

- Racquetball with friends

- Juneaux

- Herbal tea

- Safe people

- Mercy and justice combined

- Less stress about finances

- God


Thoughts to Ponder

- Not everything is my fault.

- I am not responsible for other's thoughts, feelings, or actions. I am responsible for mine.

- I am talented. Yes, I am.

- Love is the bedrock of it all.

Tuuuuuuubular, dude.

I skipped last week. My bad. I could use some positive re-focusing, though. Here goes...

Triumphant Tales
- I babysat for H this morning, and we went out to lunch. It was normal. It was nice. I told her about "the guy". We had girl talk. Fun.

-I have plans to meet with H, my sponsor, tomorrow.

-I haven't given up on God.

-I'm still alive.

-I don't feel overwhelmed right now.

-I did a couple random acts of kindness this week.

Thankfuls
-Whatever was wrong with Mom has been fixed (we think).

-Friends

-Families

-My cats

-My gas money stretched farther than expected this month.

-New kids at youth group

-Randomly unexpected cute hiking boots for our upcoming backpacking trip

-Birthday plans

-Acceptance in the community as a musician

-God

Thoughts to Ponder
-"Is this really what God/my family/my friends think of me?" (In response to distorted thoughts)

-This, too, shall pass.

-Into every life some rain must fall.

-"We love you."

I almost forgot that I had started this tradition!! Nonetheless, here it is... Tubular Tuesday. (Actually, it's remarkable the difference a week makes. I feel so much better this week.... which goes to prove that my statement from last week was true: This, too, shall pass.)

If you want to see my original inspiration, it is here, @ Dialectic Dichotomy.

Triumphant Tales
-I have begun taking steps towards dealing with my rage healthfully.
-I said no to something, even though it was good.
-I am going to say no to something else, despite the guilt, because I believe it's the right thing to do.
-I am "sharp", a fast learner. I discovered that this week.
-My colon is squeaky clean now.
-I have a sponsor for Celebrate Recovery.

Thankfuls
-Mom is still doing well, health-wise.
-My chiropractor is the bomb. I'm glad I found him.
-I have health insurance now.
-I feel better this week.
-My relationship with Slightly Hypothetical Person has improved.
-I learned how to run a chainsaw.
-I have lots of people who care about me.
-My cats.

Thoughts To Ponder
Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still.

This, too, shall pass.

No matter what else has happened, I'm still here.

My todays are the foundation for my tomorrows.

My pain shall not be wasted.

Yes, I'm gonna do it! My own version of "Sanguine Saturday" from over at Dialectic Dichotomy. I think I could use a little funk breakage.

Triumphant Tales:
-I am going to shower before noon today.
-I got stuff set up with the chiropractor, all by myself!
-I am consciously evaluating my current commitments in the light of God's will for me at this present time. (i.e. should I quit/start _____ or not?)
-I realized that I am not theonlyonewhohaseverfelththiswayonthefaceofearthforeverperiod.
-I'm starting to "work" my counseling materials again, instead of just coasting.
-I have been able to significantly overcome my desire for self-destruction in the form of an eating disorder. Thank God I was able to kill it before it sprouted into a whole plant!
-I ordered several books on anger and self-talk.
-I figured out one of my favorite Tenth Avenue North songs on the guitar.

Thankfuls:
-Mom is back out of the ER again, and on painkillers.
-The fam. What are the odds that my host family would truly understand and encourage me?
-The cats. Buckets o' fun, I say.
-Peppermint tea, you have snatched my bowels from the diabolical grip of nausea more times than I care to count... my hero.
-I have enough money to buy counseling books. Maybe even enough to go see my loved ones come spring.
-My new chiropractor. Awesome sense of humor? Check. Teaches me as he works? Check. Kind, considerate, and not the least bit awkward? Check. Covered by my insurance? Double check.
-MUSIC.

Thoughts to Ponder:
This, too, shall pass.

God wanted me even before he made the world. He still wants me, even now. (Ephesians 1:3-6)

I'm not the only one who feels this way.

My pain shall not be wasted.