Got a message from another friend. B, to be specific.
He says:
I replied:
B,
Now, I suppose that might be a bit of a mistruth. I think I know what concerns him, but I don't want to jump to any unsubstantiated conclusions.
I'm pretty sure he's worried that a.) C and I are back together, or b.) that C and I are sharing the same bed. Either one could reasonably inferred from the statement. They're both true, and he may very well be inferring both conclusions. And, knowing his conservative religious stance... I can see how that would be a problem for him. (Of course, it could be true that I was talking to C on the phone while in my room, or it could also be true that C and I were simply talking about graphene, with the "under my bed" simply being an expression of speech meant to signify an uncanny awareness of my activities.)
However... it somewhat galls me that he should be the one claiming concern for my emotional or relational life when he was the one who took me on that long, horrific, awkward emotional trip. Really? Really?! I think not.
I appreciate the concern, in a perfunctory fashion. But I'm getting tired of well-meaning friends trying to guilt-trip me back into the church, or away from C. I'm an adult now, tu sabes? So... basically... step off. I've made my choice, although some may not know that. (For instance, the friends I'm having supper with tonight...)
And perhaps I've erred in being secretive in this regard. I just really, really, really don't feel like expending the emotional energy to constantly defend my choice. The problem is that most of those I've surrounded myself with in the past few years-- my chosen culture-- are the type to see this choice as wrong and challenge it. So you see how much easier it is to be quiet, rather than brazen and flaunting...
Oh. Does it appear that I feel like I'm doing something wrong because I'm being secretive? Hmmm... it might. That hadn't really occurred to me.
Well, if anyone asks me, I'll tell them the truth. I'm still not going to flaunt it. But I'm not going to work as hard at being evasive.
It's funny... when you don't have an institution or a peer group or a bunch of leaders (purposely or inadvertently) pressuring you to make certain choices and adopt a certain lifestyle... you revert to who you really are. When there's no fear of abandonment or rejection... you can make the choices that you want to.
And I feel like I've been transported back to my high-school self in terms of values and choices, but more skilled, wiser, and more mature this time around.
I wonder if I've been the same person underneath, all this time, just afraid to let myself show?
Note: Got a letter from B later that basically said my reply had abated his concern, and he has thoroughly been enjoying racquetball. So... my curiosity remains. What was he thinking??
He says:
Hi C,
I am unable to sleep, I'm not sure if it's because of an extremely active evening of racquetball, or a mis-interpreted FB message, maybe you can help.
Let me begin by telling you how I am soooo looking forward to playing racquetball with you in the Heavenly courts where we'll use the power of thought for racquets, and the stars for balls, deflecting them off walls that don't exist. Can you imagine how wonderful that will be!
CONCERN: Your choice of words in reply to your mom's FB message " Are you hiding under my bed? C and I were JUST talking about graphene last night! Odd..." is troubling me.
Please don't misunderstand my motives, I am your friend, and I'm concerned for you.
B
B,
I, too, am looking forward to playing racquetball--albeit a little sooner, and I'm pretty sure O doesn't qualify as Heaven, so... ;)
I appreciate that you care, but I don't understand what your concern is. I see nothing wrong with the message, and I don't know how you interpreted, or misinterpreted, the post.
C
Now, I suppose that might be a bit of a mistruth. I think I know what concerns him, but I don't want to jump to any unsubstantiated conclusions.
I'm pretty sure he's worried that a.) C and I are back together, or b.) that C and I are sharing the same bed. Either one could reasonably inferred from the statement. They're both true, and he may very well be inferring both conclusions. And, knowing his conservative religious stance... I can see how that would be a problem for him. (Of course, it could be true that I was talking to C on the phone while in my room, or it could also be true that C and I were simply talking about graphene, with the "under my bed" simply being an expression of speech meant to signify an uncanny awareness of my activities.)
However... it somewhat galls me that he should be the one claiming concern for my emotional or relational life when he was the one who took me on that long, horrific, awkward emotional trip. Really? Really?! I think not.
I appreciate the concern, in a perfunctory fashion. But I'm getting tired of well-meaning friends trying to guilt-trip me back into the church, or away from C. I'm an adult now, tu sabes? So... basically... step off. I've made my choice, although some may not know that. (For instance, the friends I'm having supper with tonight...)
And perhaps I've erred in being secretive in this regard. I just really, really, really don't feel like expending the emotional energy to constantly defend my choice. The problem is that most of those I've surrounded myself with in the past few years-- my chosen culture-- are the type to see this choice as wrong and challenge it. So you see how much easier it is to be quiet, rather than brazen and flaunting...
Oh. Does it appear that I feel like I'm doing something wrong because I'm being secretive? Hmmm... it might. That hadn't really occurred to me.
Well, if anyone asks me, I'll tell them the truth. I'm still not going to flaunt it. But I'm not going to work as hard at being evasive.
It's funny... when you don't have an institution or a peer group or a bunch of leaders (purposely or inadvertently) pressuring you to make certain choices and adopt a certain lifestyle... you revert to who you really are. When there's no fear of abandonment or rejection... you can make the choices that you want to.
And I feel like I've been transported back to my high-school self in terms of values and choices, but more skilled, wiser, and more mature this time around.
I wonder if I've been the same person underneath, all this time, just afraid to let myself show?
Note: Got a letter from B later that basically said my reply had abated his concern, and he has thoroughly been enjoying racquetball. So... my curiosity remains. What was he thinking??
0 thoughts: