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That's what my aol screen tells me. I did it. I really did it.

B,

I appreciate your honesty. It helps me to understand your side of the scenario, and where you are coming from. You’ve been clear about your feelings, the “very warm affections”. That, however, is part of the problem.

I’ll get into the reasoning behind it in a moment, but you need to know that the knowledge of your affections towards me is extremely troubling. That is the reason why I  am uncomfortable working with you in the shop, and why I won’t be coming back as your employee. If we are going to continue working together in a ministry capacity, I need you to stifle those feelings. I don’t want to know. You told me previously that you gained a victory in that regards the night you spent in the hot springs- please follow through on that.

I don’t know if you understand the depth of turbulence I have experienced because of this situation, but it has been, well, traumatic. Why?

When I first met you, it was in the capacity of church elder to Bible worker. That’s been the basis of my thoughts toward you- someone I can look to for spiritual guidance. Then, we became ministry partners, and I also became your employee. In the midst of all that, a friendship was formed. As you know, I’ve had a dearth of solid male role models in my life, and without realizing it, I was looking to you as such. Our friendship was treasured to me, because I could trust you. I looked to you as a father figure, and thought that you saw me as a daughter, nothing more.

Then, when I figured out that you had developed an interest in me that was more than platonic, I was shattered. Actually, shattered is not quite the right word... there are a series of words that would be more accurate: devastated, angry, shocked, guilty, grieving, and even violated. You know my history, at least some. My “father” was the very one who perpetrated such evils against me, and it seemed as though I was re-living the same scenario all over again. I was angry, because I thought that you, of all people, would have understood this. I was also angry (and grieving, and shocked, and devastated) because, to me, our friendship is tainted and soiled. My trust in you was broken. Our friendship can never go back to the way it was, and I am saddened. 

You’re right- we had a great time together. But now... your displays of affection make me uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. As I said before, if we’re going to work together in a ministry capacity, I need to know that you will be able to keep things at a very strictly platonic level, or I will not be able to continue.

I’m sorry that our friendship had to take this turn, but I’m grateful for the fact that I can be honest with you.

Sincerely,

C