What a trip that was; what a trip, indeed! Yes, I feel good about how it went. I feel good about the fact that I was there, and I feel good about what I "accomplished" in terms of being there for my sister and my family. It seems that they kinda like having me around or something. Heh. My brother said, "If Cassie doesn't come home for Christmas, then the holiday spirit is just gone!" Awww :) I'm his Ghost of Christmas Present! Or Past... whichever one is more fun and amazing. Just so long as I'm not the Ghost of Christmas Future. That guy is pretty grim.

Apparently J ended back up in the Nut Hut (mental health unit of the hospital) shortly after I left for suicidal impulses again. If I were going to look at that as any sort of indicator on how well I "did my job", I still wouldn't really know, because either I did so well at supporting her that she didn't need to go to the hospital while I was there or I was bad enough at it that she felt the need to seek professional help. I prefer to think it's the former, though neither one is necessarily even applicable. It is what it is. I did talk to both her and C while I was there, though, and there's a 90% certainty that she will be moving in with C and I for a while after she graduates. It'll be good for her to have the stability of our home, I will have someone around to help me with the house and basic life tasks, she can go through the HJ program, and she can see what a good, healthy marriage looks like. That's something she's not going to get pretty much anywhere else in the family or her friend group, sad to say.

Speaking of the HJ, I found out yesterday that we have had office space donated to us!!! That means that we'll have actual headquarters! No more of this "working out of a spare bedroom" stuff anymore. And it's a LOT closer to home for me, so it will be easier to get to, not to mention that I can come and go as I please. I can work at the office when I feel well and not have to fuss with coordinating rides and days and stuff with E any longer. Such a relief. And this will greatly facilitate my goal of getting the HJ (and E especially) more organized.

Since my health has taken (yet another) hit and I'm not doing so well, I was afraid that I'd have to really back off in my involvement with the HJ... and as a consequence, earn less money. I'm not in it for the money at all, except for the little bit of me that is in it for the money... because, let's be honest, bills have got to be paid. So this new development is a relief, frankly. I think it will make the job more sustainable for me until I can get well enough to work like a normal person again.

As I'm sitting here, typing away, I'm looking around at the walls of my living room and at all of the pictures and things we have hanging up. They all make me smile for one reason or another because every single thing has a backstory and a memory attached to it. There is nothing in our home that is for useless show, really, and I like that. Just a random thought.

Another thing that makes me smile: shiny stuff! Since I've gained weight and since my symptoms have increased in severity, I find myself unable to wear my wedding ring most of the time because it cuts into my finger now and is uncomfortable. My swollen fingers make a larger sized ring necessary. (That just goes to show the difference... a year ago, when I was engaged, I had a hard time with the ring almost falling off my finger because it was so loose on me!) While I was visiting the fam I bought myself a very dainty and thin silver band to wear with/instead of my wedding ring. When I showed it to C upon returning he said that we just needed to get me another ring in a larger size to wear on the days when my hands are swollen. I took to that idea immediately because, hello, shiny stuff, so I spent the last couple of days compiling rings that I like and presented them to C last night for his selection. I wanted him to have the final choice, that way it is something that came from him, you know? But my compiling the list guaranteed that I would like any of the ones he chose. Well, we pored over Etsy last night and he went ahead and purchased one. Behold, my alternate wedding ring!

There were many beautiful choices, but we both agreed that this one represents my personality and style best.

Oh, and I also (finally) got a dresser for my clothes! That's a good thing, as the big blue suitcase I was keeping my clothes in on the closet floor bit the dust when I used it for the trip home. So now I have three whole drawers to keep my things in. I haven't put anything in it today, but that's on the agenda for today. I'm ecstatic! (You know your life is bit dull when something as mundane as a dresser is cause for merriment and joy.)

So that's life for now. Just enjoying being back home in my own routine with C again. I didn't miss him, really, until I saw him again... and by that I didn't realize that I missed him until I had him again. I kept myself pretty occupied while back east. Not to be all mushy and stuff, but I really do love that man. Just standing around the kitchen with him and waiting for water to boil is a satisfying and enjoyable event. I'm so glad I married him. He's good people, and he's at his best with me. Love him.

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