Choice Motivation?

Last night was agony. Sheer, unmitigated agony. I finally fell asleep sometime after eleven... and my eyes are still puffy today.

Yet underlying the pain is a strength, a resolve that's never been there in my decision to leave C before. Why is this?

I've been thinking about it...

In the past, it was that I had to leave- "This is God's decision and I have to abide by it."

So, since it wasn't really my choice, it was all too easy to wander back again.

Now, I've made the decision for myself. This is my choice, for my best... and I can abide by that. I have the strength... as much as I miss him.

I still feel like I'll never love anyone again, but I know that can't be true, for I loved D.

It's hard. No bones about it. I'm in a great deal of pain.

But I'm also strong. I'm not desperate this time around.