No, I never thought I'd stoop to the level of defending my depression (or perhaps my right to be depressed? Or maybe defending the reality of my depression?).
I guess it's kind of like that annoying kid brother-- you want so badly to be rid of it, but let anyone talk bad about it, and you rise to the cause.
Anyway, I just can't fathom the supreme ignorance of someone who would suggest that my at-times debilitating struggle with intense cyclic depression is the product of boredom, or perhaps just a bad day? Because, you know, everyone has bad days and gets down. Yes. I know that. But you don't understand... this is FAR more than just a 'bad day'. Like, hey, so-and-so, have you ever been depressed? Had a bad day? (So-and-so says yes, of course.) See? It's nothing. Everyone goes through that. Right. Pull the other one.
(Here's the kicker...)
Besides, you don't look depressed.
Oh, yeah. Because if I don't look like something's wrong with me, it must not be. No, I don't look like I have cancer, so I must be fine. Nope, don't look like I have hypothyroidism, so I don't. Food allergies? Nah. I don't look like the kind of person who has food allergies, so I'll eat whatever the ---- I want!
And you know what really irks me? That is the exact same response I got when I was looking and looking for help those years I was so sick. "But you don't look sick. You look healthy! I'm sure it's nothing."
And what nudges me over the fine line between irked and really ticked off is that this incredibly ignorant person is supposed to be a naturopath... someone who prides themselves on their health knowledge.
Really? Really?!
Gaaaaah!
After walking fast and hard for an hour or so, yelling to God, and just basically venting, I came to this conclusion...
I do not need her validation on my problem. I know that sounds kind of weird, but it goes kind of like this:
I have a problem. Namely, depression. My best efforts have not knocked this, and I'm finally looking for help.
I do not need your permission or validation to know that I have a problem, and I need outside help with it.
Just because you are dismissing my problem doesn't mean it's going away. Been there, done that.
Therefore, I am owning my truth, which is this-- I have a problem, and I need some outside help. Thus, I am getting that help, regardless of what you think. And I am going to get better. I am going to be normal and stable... no thanks to you.
:)
(P.S.- I DON'T have cancer! Just an example. Besides... I look too healthy for that.)
I guess it's kind of like that annoying kid brother-- you want so badly to be rid of it, but let anyone talk bad about it, and you rise to the cause.
Anyway, I just can't fathom the supreme ignorance of someone who would suggest that my at-times debilitating struggle with intense cyclic depression is the product of boredom, or perhaps just a bad day? Because, you know, everyone has bad days and gets down. Yes. I know that. But you don't understand... this is FAR more than just a 'bad day'. Like, hey, so-and-so, have you ever been depressed? Had a bad day? (So-and-so says yes, of course.) See? It's nothing. Everyone goes through that. Right. Pull the other one.
(Here's the kicker...)
Besides, you don't look depressed.
Oh, yeah. Because if I don't look like something's wrong with me, it must not be. No, I don't look like I have cancer, so I must be fine. Nope, don't look like I have hypothyroidism, so I don't. Food allergies? Nah. I don't look like the kind of person who has food allergies, so I'll eat whatever the ---- I want!
And you know what really irks me? That is the exact same response I got when I was looking and looking for help those years I was so sick. "But you don't look sick. You look healthy! I'm sure it's nothing."
And what nudges me over the fine line between irked and really ticked off is that this incredibly ignorant person is supposed to be a naturopath... someone who prides themselves on their health knowledge.
Really? Really?!
Gaaaaah!
After walking fast and hard for an hour or so, yelling to God, and just basically venting, I came to this conclusion...
I do not need her validation on my problem. I know that sounds kind of weird, but it goes kind of like this:
I have a problem. Namely, depression. My best efforts have not knocked this, and I'm finally looking for help.
I do not need your permission or validation to know that I have a problem, and I need outside help with it.
Just because you are dismissing my problem doesn't mean it's going away. Been there, done that.
Therefore, I am owning my truth, which is this-- I have a problem, and I need some outside help. Thus, I am getting that help, regardless of what you think. And I am going to get better. I am going to be normal and stable... no thanks to you.
:)
(P.S.- I DON'T have cancer! Just an example. Besides... I look too healthy for that.)
Jolene | March 22, 2012 at 9:39 PM
Oh phew! I was a little concerned there about the cancer part! Glad to hear that isn't a trial in your life!
Why should you have to prove to a naturopath that you have depression and need help??? That's lame.
thestrippedsoul | March 25, 2012 at 1:00 AM
Can I like this? Not the depression, but the fight for personal authenticity and owning the truth?