This weekend I worked the information booth at a gun show. I was determined to put in all of the hours, both days, no matter how crappy I felt/would feel... and I did. I earned enough money to knock out several of my bills, which makes the financial burden lighter for my beloved.

I told him that I was doing it for him, and he corrected me with, "No, you're doing it to pay your bills and be a responsible lady." I corrected him and said that I already know how to be responsible-- I've been making ends meet and paying bills for years! I'm doing this for him, because he is the one that most of the bills fall to, and I want to lighten his load. I don't think he had thought of it in that way.

Still wrestling with the depression that comes with this awful pain, though now that my menstrual cycle is about to restart I think things will get better. I've been craving affirmation and trying to extract it from C, but it's like trying to get water from a stone. Spontaneous words of affirmation are not his strong point. (Understatement.) He is the type that will offer a few well-placed words to go along with an accomplishment, but he's not the cheerleader type. That's my area. He is the steady, solid rock that I can rest upon, but I have to remember that this solid rock isn't also a sparkly crystal cavern of delight. Weird analogy, I know, but it's the best I've got right now.

Anyway... just pushing through, one day at a time. I really want to get my house into shape, and I'm working on it one task at a time, but I find that I need some help again, probably... if I want to get any deep cleaning done, anyway.

I may be able to get my computer fixed for free. How I would love that... booting up C's big old computer is a pain, so I don't do it often. Plus sitting upright in his chair tends to increase my pain. I don't know what it is about this chair. But I do have my smartphone, which is proving to be a great boon. I found a game that distracts me for hours at a time. It's called Plague, and the objective is to cultivate and spread your plague to wipe out all of humanity. It's really a ton of fun, and requires strategy, which is something that I am weak on and want to improve. I also found a really neat fibro-tracking app that I can record my pain levels, symptoms, med dosages and times, etc. It's a great tool.

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