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Still here, still alive. I've had people around me or been around people for most of the hours that C has been at work. That was our safety plan. It worked, too. The people made me laugh, even those that I didn't expect to or had no idea what inner turmoil I was in and that I was with them to keep my mind busy. When I think about the future at all, the immediate future of running out of meds, I start panicking and I get depressed and suicidal. So... no thinking about that. It will come, if it comes, and I will deal with it then.

That's pretty much it. Yesterday I spent a lot of time sleeping. The day before I spent several hours with C's family, which was actually a blast. Last night C and I went grocery shopping and picked up some additional foods that I will eat while flying back home this week. Can't believe it came so fast! Now that I'm staring it in the face, I almost don't want to go... I feel so empty myself. I don't have much, if anything, to give them. I'm so drained from fighting my own big battles. The most I can do is sit with them and cheer them on... which I think is exactly what they want. Go figure. I'm just so used to being the "savior", the caretaker... but maybe that's not what my family needs or wants.

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