Still here, still alive. I've had people around me or been around people for most of the hours that C has been at work. That was our safety plan. It worked, too. The people made me laugh, even those that I didn't expect to or had no idea what inner turmoil I was in and that I was with them to keep my mind busy. When I think about the future at all, the immediate future of running out of meds, I start panicking and I get depressed and suicidal. So... no thinking about that. It will come, if it comes, and I will deal with it then.
That's pretty much it. Yesterday I spent a lot of time sleeping. The day before I spent several hours with C's family, which was actually a blast. Last night C and I went grocery shopping and picked up some additional foods that I will eat while flying back home this week. Can't believe it came so fast! Now that I'm staring it in the face, I almost don't want to go... I feel so empty myself. I don't have much, if anything, to give them. I'm so drained from fighting my own big battles. The most I can do is sit with them and cheer them on... which I think is exactly what they want. Go figure. I'm just so used to being the "savior", the caretaker... but maybe that's not what my family needs or wants.
That's pretty much it. Yesterday I spent a lot of time sleeping. The day before I spent several hours with C's family, which was actually a blast. Last night C and I went grocery shopping and picked up some additional foods that I will eat while flying back home this week. Can't believe it came so fast! Now that I'm staring it in the face, I almost don't want to go... I feel so empty myself. I don't have much, if anything, to give them. I'm so drained from fighting my own big battles. The most I can do is sit with them and cheer them on... which I think is exactly what they want. Go figure. I'm just so used to being the "savior", the caretaker... but maybe that's not what my family needs or wants.
0 thoughts: