Psalm 91... again.

God rather forcefully insisted that I go on a walk this afternoon... He wouldn't give me any peace about it. I put it off until late evening, just before the sun was beginning to go down. I was still in turmoil and distress... and I don't think I handled it right. I went back to an old, favored crutch of mine--ebay window-shopping. It distracted me enough to calm me.

Anyway, God took me on a walk, and down the driveway we went. I asked God, "What is this all about, anyway? I'm still freaking out. What do you want to tell me?"

I'm not sure if it's just my crazy head or not, but I'm pretty positive He answered me (not audibly, of course) and said, "I want to calm your fears."

I continued walking, and found one of my favorite treasures just beyond the first bend.

A feather, of course! And, like a flash, the verses I've been memorizing came into my mind:

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High 

       will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, 

       my God, in whom I trust."

Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare 

       and from the deadly pestilence.

 He will cover you with his feathers, 

       and under his wings you will find refuge; 

       his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

You will not fear the terror of night, 

       nor the arrow that flies by day,

nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, 

       nor the plague that destroys at midday.

A thousand may fall at your side, 

       ten thousand at your right hand, 

       but it will not come near you.

You will only observe with your eyes 

       and see the punishment of the wicked.

So anyway... I guess that storm has sorta blown over. Not that I necessarily feel any better, but... I believe that God means what He says. It is so dark... but so is the cocoon of a butterfly. It is dark under the wings of a bird. So I just have to hang on. Just hang on.

(Oh, and one more thing... I re-read my earlier post, and... I see progress. Really, I do. Yes, I'm shaken; yes, I'm desperate and despairing; yes, all these terrible things, but still, I see glimmers of hope there that I didn't know I had. That gives me yet more hope. Hope rising through stone--my stony heart.)

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