We (as in our youth group) did a backpacking trip this weekend- my last activity with them until who-knows-when.

It was about 8 miles in and 8 miles out. Since our cars couldn't even make it to the trailhead, we hiked in from the highway. Why couldn't our cars make it to the trailhead? Snow! And ice!

Yeah, I finally caved and went snow camping. It was... memorable.

In all seriousness, it was good. It was very hard, and very cold, but good. I ended up sleeping in the hot springs, with rocks for my pillow, because I couldn't stay warm in the tent. That's the bane of my camping existence. I'm considering investing in a very good quality sleeping bag at some point in the future, because there won't always be a handy hot spring to dip in.

Either that, or I can overcome this hypothyroidism/adrenal fatigue. That might work, too.

By the way... it's hard to hike in snow. Harder than hiking on normal turf. I never knew that.

I am so, so thankful that I chose to do the trek in my Kamik snow boots, though, or I would have been REALLY miserable, since my feet get cold so easily.

K, however, didn't listen to me when I was talking about the snow and cold that we would be facing. She apparently completely zoned me out, and packed for summer camping. Big mistake. She suffered. Hard.

I took the opportunity to confront her (lovingly, I hope) about not listening to others. I confirmed that she had suffered a lot this weekend (which she readily agreed with), and that I didn't like seeing it. I told her that, if she didn't start listening to the people who care about her, that's going to be her life. It won't just be a weekend, it will be her life. I hope she gets it. I don't want to see her crash and burn because she's too stubborn or too whatever to listen to good advice. I almost did. I shudder to think what my life would be like if I had gone ahead and married C. I wouldn't be backpacking with a youth group, I can tell you that much.

I wouldn't be the healthy(er) person that I am today. I'd still be sick- physically, emotionally... Yeah. That could be K, and I'm not about to just let her slide into ruin.

Like I said, the hike was good, but hard. Particularly hard for me, with all my adrenal issues and whatnot. I was afraid I wasn't going to even make it in, but coming out was far easier. I'm suffering today, though. Especially because I had too many nuts while we were out there. I'm amazed at how far my body has come in being able to handle food, because it used to be that I couldn't even eat peanut butter on a regular basis, or I'd get sick. Now, I can eat nuts several times a day and be okay. But when I'm backpacking, I'm so limited on what I can eat due to the food allergies that I rely heavily on nuts, and... well.. I overdid it. Blech.

Oh, yeah, and... guy I like didn't come after all. I was disappointed, to be truthful. I had been looking forward to spending some time with him, but it didn't work out. And I don't know if I had mentioned this before, but B had volunteered to be a "mediator" for me and talk to him, feel him out, or whatever. (I was speaking "hypothetically" about this situation, but he caught on. Smart guy, that B.) Well, on the trip, I told B to just not worry about it. Never mind. Let sleeping dogs lie. I mean, I'm leaving, he's leaving, we're all leaving, and I don't have the energy to devote to hopefulness anymore. I submitted it to God, he's got it covered, and I'll let bygones be bygones.

God, what do I do if I don't feel like having devotions? Are they really that important? Does our relationship hinge on them? And what does it mean if I just plain don't feel like putting out the effort to get closer to you? That happens with my people relationships sometimes- I just don't want to put in the effort. I just want to be alone. That doesn't mean that I don't love them anymore. That'll pass, and the desire will come back. Is it the same with us?

I was on a high for a while, because of the lessons I'd learned in submission. Now... I just feel blech, in every aspect. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally... it's just a blech day.

Is that okay?

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