He likes me, he likes me not...

I think he likes me.

The evidence is mounting.

But I'm leaving.

No fair.

Another realization: it's not wrong to like a guy. Nope. It's not.

Since C, I've felt that attraction is, in itself, almost inherently sinful.

Good girls don't look at boys. But, then... I've never really been a good girl, now have I?

Dating is done this way, called by this name, and if you veer from this, you're baaaaaaad. (Just imagine a goat bleating out that last word. It's what I do.)

If you are attracted to a guy, well, then, shame on you! You're not supposed to awaken love before it's time, right?

I'm sure that part of it has to do with how I view myself, too.

You mess up relationships. You're not ready. You're not good enough. You're too broken. If you try, you're going to do it wrong. You're dragging him down just by thinking about him. No way. Drop it, girl. It's not for you. Stop acting like you can pull off a relationship like everyone else.

Yeah. I hate that voice in my head.

On one hand, it keeps me in check- there are a lot of mistakes I haven't made because I've listened to that voice. On the other hand, it's pushed me to act in very unwise, unhealthy ways... and make mistakes.

What if I just did it? What if I just told this guy that I like him? Is that a bad thing? Is that a horrific moral crime?

But I'm leaving. What would that accomplish?

This is stupid. I'm so done with this. This is what frustrated me so much with GM- the eternal questioning and unusurety.

It may take me a while to make a decision, but once I do... I want it to happen now.

I decided I'm okay with trying out a dating relationship... so I want it to happen!

This is stupid. I know I said that already. But, seriously. This is stupid.

I know that God knows best. I know he understands me inside and out, and he knows who would be a good mate for me. But I still want something, anything to happen. I want to know one way or the other. I hate limbo.

This happens with almost every decision. *sigh* I believe God knows best. I'm gonna trust him, and walk through the doors he opens. But... why is this taking so long?! Why don't I know which way I'm headed yet? Why aren't there any doors open? Why are there so many doors open?! HELP!

Help, indeed.

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