Married Life

My biggest fear, the thing that brought waves of panic during the countdown to the wedding and an overwhelming sense of dread, anxiety, and nausea during the wedding rehearsal was that getting married would change everything. To be more specific, I was terrified that getting married would ruin our relationship. I mean, everything was so great, so healthy... but most of the marriages I've seen are anything but those two adjectives. They don't even remotely apply... and I was scared. If that's what marriage does to a relationship, I don't want it!

I am relieved to report that this has been far from true. My greatest fear has gone unrealized... and I am so relieved. Honestly, it's basically the same as it was before, but somehow a little better. There's no concrete "this is how being married has changed things", but it's really just a bunch of little moments all stacked together that make me think that being married just might be worth it.

Silly mock-fights in the kitchen as he tries to hang a spoon on the end of my nose, and I retaliate by flinging water at him.

Working in seamless tandem to put away groceries, pack up laundry, and zip through the grocery store.

Him automatically handing me my stick when we exit his truck.

Bringing him a glass of juice from the kitchen, because I'm in there anyway.

Him waking me up from a nap with a big fat kiss on the mouth, and gentle kisses on my forehead.

Curling up against each other in the deep hours of the night, and knowing each other's sleep patterns intimately.

Him kissing the back of my hand and calling me "scrumptious" or "little wifey", or my scratching his back while he sits at his desk and realizing that this is my husband.

Just little things like that. They're nice things, fun things. But there are the hard things, too, that help me realize it's worth it.

When I'm tossing and moaning with fever and intense pain, and he brings me water, turns on the fan, brings me pain killers, whatever I need.

When we're discussing tight finances and he includes me in his decision as to which funds to allocate where.

When I decide to postpone my dream for a year because of health reasons, and he supports me completely because I've talked through my reasons with him and he believes in me and trusts me.

When flashbacks strike and I'm crying, shaking in fear or anger, and he talks me down from the pinnacle of my distress.

So in answer to all those people all asking the same question... Yes. I am enjoying the married life. I think it was a good decision, and I'm really, really glad that I was wrong. (So far. Heh. Gotta leave room for eventualities, right?)

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