Surprises and interesting things

They say that a silent blog is the sign of a full life. I suppose that's true. I've had a few big things come up for me in this last week, not all of which were good...

My boss and I decided that I need to learn how to write grants, so I'll begin learning how to do that this coming week (if I'm not too sick to work). The best part is that I get a cut of the grant if it's accepted, so that means that I could potentially grab some pretty big (to me) chunks of money here in a while, which would be greatly appreciated. I'm closer to maxing out my credit card than I'm comfortable with, and I don't really have a way of paying it down, other than my weekly $40 that I throw at it.

I got my handicap parking placard, which means that I now have access to all the best spots. Go on. Admit you're jealous. It's a temporary placard, which means that I'll be up for re-evaluation in 6 months. By then, I hope to not need it any more! I don't know if that's foolish optimism or a realistic goal, but I'm going for it anyway.

I took my car to the mechanic because of a leak and possibly an ABS problem and found out that it's basically going to die on me at any time. The transmission is shot (which is what I thought was the ABS problem), my water pump is leaking, and there's a possibility my intake is leaking as well. So that was great news... But the guy was honest and told it to me straight, which I greatly appreciated. I could pay to get it all fixed, which would come out to about $2,500, but that's more than the car itself is worth. Also, since it's an older car, this is about the time that stuff is going to be wearing out and breaking down... so the best option at this point is to get a "new" car. New to me, that is. So I'm scouring Craigslist at the moment, and waiting to hear back from the people I've contacted already.

We moved more stuff into the new house. C decided to part with his beloved green couch set, and I hauled the boxes of wedding stuff over to my craft room. The spare bedroom in the apartment isn't empty yet, but it's far emptier than it was before!

Also, I went to a wine tasting with S. It was totally spur of the moment, but it was a great deal of fun, and he took me out to dinner afterward. I felt so sophisticated and high class! I learned that I really don't like wine, but I do like how it makes me feel. I don't know why people drink it for pleasure, because it really doesn't taste good at all. Well, I take that back. There was one out of the six that I mostly enjoyed, and that was a super sweet dessert wine. It still had that sharp rubbing-alcohol bite to it, though, and that spoiled it. I think I'll take Martinelli's over alcoholic drinks any day, thank you! But we did have a lot of fun. Our catchphrase for the night was, "I'm drunk. What's your excuse?" Hehe. And it was really good that S came over and hung out for a while before we went off on our wine tasting adventure, because I was depressed and sad. The whole car thing refocused my attention on how I cannot, at this point, contribute to our finances in any significant way, and that totally makes me feel like a burden. Especially when spendy stuff like this comes up. So I was feeling very down and very unworthy and despondent and angry with myself and my situation, but having a friend over helped me to sort of shift mental gears and get back to real life. It was good.

I've been having health problems again. (Uh, still, that is?) My lower back has been spasming almost constantly since Wednesday, and it's agonizing. My uterus was cramping for a couple of days, too, and I was wondering what was up. It's still several weeks until menstruation, so I don't know what the deal is. My body just randomly freaks out. Maybe I'm pregnant. Wouldn't that be funny? It would be nuts if we got married, bought a house, bought a car, and got pregnant, all at once! It's still pretty nuts, even without a baby.

Then, on top of the regular fibro problems like the spasming back and fatigue, I caught the influenza that's going around. Well, that's not entirely accurate. Because my immune system is all whacked out, I don't actually catch colds or influenza or stuff like that. Oh no. I get respiratory infections. Every. single. freaking. time. I got hit with a sore, swollen throat and the beginnings of a sinus infection Friday night, and I immediately began flushing my sinuses with warm salt water every few hours to get the infection gunk out. I thought that maybe I could control it that way, and it looked like it was working most of Saturday, but by evening it had started settling into my lungs and I knew I was in trouble. After part of a long, achy, restless night full of tissues and hacking, I finally moved to the couch so I wouldn't disturb C any longer. Talking to my friends on a fb support group for autoimmune diseases/chronic illnesses convinced me to head to the walk-in clinic this morning for antibiotics.

Usually, I don't take antibiotics. (I almost said, "Usually, I don't take meds." Then I caught myself and laughed, because that's a total lie! I'm on, like, 6 different medications right now. Heh.) Some people take them at the slightest provocation, and I disagree with that method. That's what creates super resistant bugs that get people really sick. So I avoid antibiotics whenever possible, especially because they can throw off your good bacteria. This time, however, I realized the wisdom of it. I could keep trying natural remedies, sure, but I'm thinking that they kind of lose their effectiveness when your immune system doesn't work like a normal person's. Not to mention the fact that I'm on a med for one of my autoimmune diseases that sort of suppresses the immune system. Also, I really don't want this to linger on the way the infections usually do when I'm self-treating. And thirdly, this infection is aggravating my fibro and bringing on a flare, which sucks!

So I went to the walk-in clinic and saw a nice doctor man, and he gave me some prescriptions, which I was supremely grateful for. Because of the fever and fibro pain combined with the fatigue, I had to use my walker, and I was shuffling along like a frail old lady. It was pretty funny, in retrospect.

I don't know if it's the antibiotics kicking in already or the Claritin that I took to dry up all that mucous, but I am feeling better. Oh, it could also be the Tramadol. Heh. At least my raging headache is gone, thank goodness. I feel halfway like a human being again, until I stand up. Then I remember why I wanted to be euthanized this morning.

So, one day at a time. Life will continue to bring surprises and interesting things, and I will continue to (try to) take them all in stride.

Now... back to being an immobile lump.

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