It's funny... how when someone gives me advice... my brain almost always interprets it as You're hearing this because you're doing it wrong! Even if the advice is just "Hey, watch out for this pitfall that you might run into" stuff. Like today.
C, dear C... and M. I enjoy them so much, and I'm so happy to see them happily married. I've been there for most of the whole thing- helped C through many a rough spot when she wasn't sure about M, then she was, then there were trials, then she was madly in love... so on, so forth. And M and I are very similar in our bluntness and openness. We click well.
And so, upon finding out that I am in a relationship, they proceeded to give me advice, because they care about me. I treasure it. I just wasn't sure I wanted to hear it. Because now my mind won't rest... it's playing and replaying all my conversations with D, thinking, Did I do it right? Was that peace false? Is my happiness a farce, a false apparition? Did I even do the right thing in entering this relationship? Aaaaaaah!
Especially after I shared some of the details regarding how we got together... my friend warned me that providences aren't the most solid way of determining God's will. So... great. That totally undermines my trust in God's leading that I've experienced. Thanks. I know you didn't mean it that way, but it's slightly devastating to me, especially since I've been struggling with trust so much anyways.
Maybe you just don't understand how much of a baby Christian I am... SOULS aside, I'm a fledgling! I'm still struggling with some of the basic tenets and principles of our faith! Forget prophecy and proof texts... I am struggling to trust God right now!
And another thing... I almost dread the question, "So how old is this guy?" Because I fear the inevitable shock and questioning to follow. Yes, he's older than I am... by quite a few years. So what? And, yes, he has a rough past. I'm well aware that this could cause problems down the road... but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I have a rough background, too. I made mistakes as well- big ones. But you are enthusiastic about me, so why not him? Ah, it's because you don't know him. That's why. You fear for me, because you love me. I understand.
I did realize, while driving home, that no matter whether others think I'm doing it wrong, or that I've made a mistake, or that I could do better, or whatever... ultimately, I am the one who has to live with my choices. I need to be pure before God, and settled in my own heart. As for the rest of 'em... they aren't my conscience.
But I am trying to value their input, and not be defensive. I know it's given in love. I just hate the onslaught of second-guessing that follows.
Oh, yeah... and she instructed me on the art of feminine mystique... Don't throw open the shutters to my heart right away. We all agree that I'm a very open person (which they called "refreshing" and "a good thing"), but when it comes to relationships, I have to make him pursue me, apparently.
Can't I just be myself? I mean... that's the person he likes, right? Ugh. This is confusing...
Good news. I'm hungry for the one of the first time in days. I'm going to eat something while this lasts. I haven't been eating much.
C, dear C... and M. I enjoy them so much, and I'm so happy to see them happily married. I've been there for most of the whole thing- helped C through many a rough spot when she wasn't sure about M, then she was, then there were trials, then she was madly in love... so on, so forth. And M and I are very similar in our bluntness and openness. We click well.
And so, upon finding out that I am in a relationship, they proceeded to give me advice, because they care about me. I treasure it. I just wasn't sure I wanted to hear it. Because now my mind won't rest... it's playing and replaying all my conversations with D, thinking, Did I do it right? Was that peace false? Is my happiness a farce, a false apparition? Did I even do the right thing in entering this relationship? Aaaaaaah!
Especially after I shared some of the details regarding how we got together... my friend warned me that providences aren't the most solid way of determining God's will. So... great. That totally undermines my trust in God's leading that I've experienced. Thanks. I know you didn't mean it that way, but it's slightly devastating to me, especially since I've been struggling with trust so much anyways.
Maybe you just don't understand how much of a baby Christian I am... SOULS aside, I'm a fledgling! I'm still struggling with some of the basic tenets and principles of our faith! Forget prophecy and proof texts... I am struggling to trust God right now!
And another thing... I almost dread the question, "So how old is this guy?" Because I fear the inevitable shock and questioning to follow. Yes, he's older than I am... by quite a few years. So what? And, yes, he has a rough past. I'm well aware that this could cause problems down the road... but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I have a rough background, too. I made mistakes as well- big ones. But you are enthusiastic about me, so why not him? Ah, it's because you don't know him. That's why. You fear for me, because you love me. I understand.
I did realize, while driving home, that no matter whether others think I'm doing it wrong, or that I've made a mistake, or that I could do better, or whatever... ultimately, I am the one who has to live with my choices. I need to be pure before God, and settled in my own heart. As for the rest of 'em... they aren't my conscience.
But I am trying to value their input, and not be defensive. I know it's given in love. I just hate the onslaught of second-guessing that follows.
Oh, yeah... and she instructed me on the art of feminine mystique... Don't throw open the shutters to my heart right away. We all agree that I'm a very open person (which they called "refreshing" and "a good thing"), but when it comes to relationships, I have to make him pursue me, apparently.
Can't I just be myself? I mean... that's the person he likes, right? Ugh. This is confusing...
Good news. I'm hungry for the one of the first time in days. I'm going to eat something while this lasts. I haven't been eating much.
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