New diagnosis

The past few days have proven interesting.

Sunday, I went ahead and super-medicated myself. I don't know how many painkillers I took that day, because I wasn't even counting. (It wasn't an inordinate amount, but I'm pretty sure it was more than normal. I think. Again, I don't know.) So while Saturday was a day full of pain and despair, I was pretty much walking on clouds the next day... or walking through a haze. Whatever you want to call it.

I'm still dealing with this bout of depression, and all I really wanted to do Sunday morning when I got up was sit around and mope. Fortunately for me, that didn't happen, as C needed some emergency help with her English class. She came over and we worked on it for many, many hours. After she left and I'd taken a short nap, I started the process of streamlining our possessions as preparation for the move. I think I got rid of fully 1/3 of my wardrobe that night, at least! I'm happy about that. I don't like it when I've accumulated so many things...

That morning, Mom called me about K. She had... news.

While I don't mind sharing my own personal details here on this blog, I do recognize that it's not fully a personal blog any longer. There are people who read this on a fairly routine basis, which is all great and fine. I think that's awesome. When it comes to details about other people, though, I find myself hesitant to bare all, because it's not my news to talk about, you know?

So, we shall simply say that K went through a horrific experience unbeknownst to us all, but it finally came out in the open and she's getting the help she needs. Also, knowing about this experience and some of the consequences makes a whole lot of sense out of some things that didn't make much sense before.

My heart is breaking for her, though. I cried when Mom told me what had happened... and it just made me so much more grateful for the life that I have, the life that C and I are building together. We're breaking cycles and changing the future for our progeny. I'm proud of that.

Monday wasn't much of anything, just yoga class and grocery shopping. I did go a little crazy with the impulse buys at the store, though... I spent $60 more than I was intending to! Oops. I know I'll pay it off eventually, and I know that most people wouldn't consider that to be a great sum of money, but that's an entire week's worth of gas and food for me. That's more than I get in a single paycheck. So to me, it's a large sum of money. I don't regret it, but I am going to be more disciplined in the future. (Don't go shopping alone while you're hungry and depressed, unless you've got money to burn, a'ight?)

Today, I had a rheumatologist appointment, and I feel as though we've made a big step forward.

Yes, I got another med, but that's not the point. (The doctor totally supports my decision to get off of my meds in the future, but we both recognize that right now I just need to get this under control. Once it's manageable, then we can talk about dropping meds.) I also got another diagnosis to go with that new med. Or is it the other way around?

In any event, the doctor completely agreed with my suspicion that an autoimmune cause is at the root of the aggravation of my fibro, and she pointed out that I already have two autoimmune diseases under my belt right now. Fibro doesn't count, btw, but it is significant that many of the autoimmune diseases of the type that we're looking at tend to run concurrently with fibromyalgia.

Yours truly has Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease. Good news? Less than 20% of patients with UCTD progress to a "well-defined" connective tissue disease, such as lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, scleroderma, etc. Bad news? It's still a systemic autoimmune disease with no cure. Other good news? This changes... nothing. Except for adding a new med, and one that has little to no side effects at that.

So while I've got yet another Big Thing to process, it's helpful that I now have "real disease" label to slap on things, because FMS is still in the shady area for most people. You know, they consider it all curable if only you try hard enough... I keep getting that, "You'll be fine/you'll kick it/it'll get better because I/my auntie/my friend from church has/had fibro and they're all better now!" Hmph.

Also, I've decided to hold off on applying for disability after consulting with my rheumie. We're going to keep trying to get this under control, and if it comes to the point where it's just not manageable after all then I'll pursue disability. Apparently, going on disability at such a young age tends to encourage a "slump" or a worsening of effects. I guess it's a mental thing, like they kinda give up. She wants to avoid that for me if at all possible. I'm all for that. I just hope we can get this under control so I can have at least part of my life back.

And now, I'm off to a hot shower to try to relieve some of this pervasive pain. Ughhhhh. Acupuncture was gentle today, but I seem to be having a very difficult time with healing responses. My body just don't like being helped! :) (But, oh, the massage after every session is fabulous... Again, always very gentle and soothing, no pressure at all, but it feels so nice...)