Fighting for optimism and random thoughts

Today was one of those "I feel like I'm doing life/chronic illness management wrong" days. Not that anything in particular triggered these thoughts, no instances of failure, but I just woke up kind of... off.

It's hard to fight the "voices" when they're indistinct and muddled. If I had a clear thought to combat, then I could make some headway. I do want to start counseling or therapy of some sort again, if I can find an inexpensive/free counselor. With all of the other medical bills I rack up, I feel bad tacking another one on that's not "essential".

I do know that I'm doing the best I can, though. I rely on pain killers to make it through the day, and that's okay. I have to be okay with that, because it is what it is. My not taking the pills won't help anything; I would just end up miserable and incapacitated with pain and aggravation of my other symptoms.

Speaking of aggravation of symptoms, I've been having a horrible time with nasal and mouth sores. The roof of my mouth has been tender, swollen, and ulcerated for almost a week now, and the sores have spread all over my tongue as well. I started taking a B vitamin complex supplement, for the folic acid, and I've also been rinsing with warm salt water. Those both seem to be helping a little, as the sores hurt less, even though they are more prolific. I am also sticking to "mushy" foods, easily chewable and nonabrasive.

I got some super awesome validation from a source outside my inner circle today. I was discussing a project for the upcoming DV vigil with one of the HJ's board members who is also on the Victims' Rights Committee with me, and he spoke about how he always enjoys working with me, and he is very impressed with the quality of work that I turn out. He also mentioned in the course of conversation that I do a lot of work for the committee and the HJ, regardless of my physical handicaps, which he admires and really appreciates. So it was just really good to hear praise from someone who isn't close to me, because it can sometimes seem like your loved ones are, like, paid to tell you nice things. You know what I mean?

I bought the fixins for fall/autumn decor for the house today while I was at the craft store getting supplies for the DV vigil's ribbon pins. (Everyone was so taken with the ones I made for the homicide vigil that I was forcefully nominated to do the ribbons for this vigil as well. I was flattered and excited, because I like doing crafty stuff and being able to contribute, especially when my contribution is so lauded.) C and I have had to hammer out compromises in the realm of decor, as he does not particularly care for seasonal decor of any kind and is pretty staunchly opposed to holiday-specific decor. I went on Pinterest and gathered several pictures of possible decor ideas, and he went through and pointed out the elements that he liked and disliked so that I could get an idea of what to steer clear of. Anyway, now that I have some supplies to round out what I already owned, I plan to purty up the place tomorrow, after cleaning up a bit. My house is never really dirty, but it is in need of a good tidying, especially the bathrooms. (Actually, I take it back. I'm sure that the house could use a good deep cleaning, because everything tends to get a nice thick layer of dust on it due to the fact that we live in a sandy desert.)

I really need to get with the program and buy a medic alert bracelet. Just due to the adrenal insufficiency, I should have one to alert anyone in the case of an emergency that I need a shot of cortisol to keep from going into adrenal shock. That wouldn't be good. Also, with all of the meds I'm taking it's a good idea to have that kind of thing easily accessible for doctors/EMTs to see. The risk of negative drug interactions is not a good risk to take. Ugh. Maybe I'll just bite the bullet and go do that right now, online...

As a parting thought, I'd like to share something that showed up in my news feed on facebook that correlates to my fight for optimism and self-acceptance today:

"Kick fibro in the ass! "What does that mean though?" Kicking fibro's ass just means hey, I take my meds, I do my treatments, if I can go for those walks I will, if I can't go for those walks I'll stay in and let my body rest, I won't PUSH myself beyond what I can't do. I'll try not to be so hard on myself, and I will do my best to release myself from the guilt other people put on me or the comparisons other people put on me as well because I don't deserve to be treated like anything less than a wonderful human being. So go kick fibo's ass, one flare at a time. YOU deserve it. It's not about being "physically strong" all the time. We understand how fibromyalgia makes us all feel, weak, tired, in pain, nauseated, shriveled up with sadness, yet we somehow prevail through it all. It's about giving yourself the credit you deserve for getting through such a difficult battle every day. It's about self-acceptance and empowerment. We all matter no matter what."

0 thoughts:

Post a Comment