Church visit

I went to church yesterday. It was, surprisingly, a good experience. I mean, I didn't go for the full thing, only the last few minutes of the sermon. I was there, after all, to see some old friends, not to "receive the Word". The bit of the sermon that I caught was amusing. Lots of adjectives applied to those who don't believe, blanket statements and opinions stated as fact. Interpretations of Bible verses touted with supreme confidence that they are interpreted correctly. It was fine. I didn't mind. It's not for me, not anymore, and I know he meant well. He did a good job drawing out the audience, though. Wait, sorry, congregation. Not audience. It wasn't a show, not for them. He did a lot of the quoting of a phrase and leaving the last word out so that the congregation would chime in with the appropriate word or phrase. Several bouts of Amen-ing. He was good. Emphatic. Enthusiastic, in a reserved way, and humorous at appropriate times. He definitely gets points for presentation.

I saw the friends that I came to see, and it was very good to see them. I, of course, was on the walker since I have a hard time getting around without it anymore. It saddened them (and many others) to see that, and the husband, a physician, was very compassionate and understanding about the fibromyalgia pain. When he learned the barest extent of what I'm dealing with, he shook his head and stated emphatically, "No, not you! I don't want you to be dealing with this. I won't let it. It's not allowed." It was pretty adorable. They were very happy to see me, as was everyone else. I made the rounds and said hello to those I know and love, and then hightailed it home while I still had energy to drive. It was fun to smile and hug and share small talk (and give super sarcastic answers as to why I have the walker hehe), but it took so much energy. Even just the brief time I was there left me so drained that I slept well into the evening, woke for a few hours, and then slept again. I was awake for another couple of hours and watched a movie with C before going to bed and getting another full night's sleep. Besides the energy it took to drive and interact, people have a tendency to squeeze or pat when they hug, and of course they don't realize how painful it is for me. I actually had to correct Gramma (yet again) when she hugged me and patted me vigorously on the back, as she does. I winced and exclaimed in pain and reminded her that she can't do that anymore! She was abashed, and hopefully she remembers next time. lol.

I had a talk with C last night that went… well, not that it didn't go well, but I'm just not very good at on the spot explaining my thoughts and feelings. I need time to puzzle them out, smooth them into straight and discernible lines and patterns before laying them out to be seen and evaluated. I thought about blogging through it before talking to him, but I thought I might as well just take the plunge. He told me that I'm not very good at it, and I'd have to agree. So after a bit I will try to type it all out, make sense of it, and then read that to him. I think I got my point across, but it was a bit… muddled. Mushy. Complicated.

We just haven't seen much of each other lately, and I don't like it. I've been sleeping a lot, and he's been gaming online with B a lot, and we've just kind of been… like ships in the night, I guess. Not to mention that I've been so tired and sick and in pain that we have hardly been intimate at all this month, and that is a grievous thing to me. It impacts my sense of well-being in the relationship, but how to remedy it? There really is no way… and that is immensely frustrating. Ah well. Later. More later. I'll reason it all out. For now, I just want to think about my upcoming birthday and how I want to spend it.

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