Crankiness

I made an appointment to go back and see my pain doctor this Monday. A week of this is hard enough (but I've been so good about taking my meds exactly as prescribed! Go me!), and I don't want to do 3 more. Maybe there's another pain med that will help me, oh I dunno… not be bedridden? Pain upon moving and exertion is one thing, but crazy bad pain from just being awake is really, really annoying. And this new aspect of my bones feeling like they're on fire? So over that. (Side note: I sincerely hope that this trip is less eventful than this past Monday's. I don't need any more crazy stories just now.)

Right. So. I wish I had other things to talk about besides my being in sick and in pain. I really do. I'm sure people get tired of hearing about it. I'm tired of hearing about it! I am tired and hurting and cranky and not feeling well, though, so I refuse to indulge anyone but myself. I wish I had some ice cream. I mean hey, if I'm gonna get fat I might as well do it deliciously, right? (On an only slightly bitter note, I am totally eating less than I used to. It's a fact. Consuming less calories and all that. So there, overweight doctor who is telling me I need to eat less because I'm headed towards being overweight. Suck it.)

Guess I'm still kinda cranky today. I can't sleep lying down these past few days cause it hurts too much, so I've been spending my nights propped up on the couch. It lets me get some sleep, but not much, and the quality isn't that great. Naps are great, though. Also, I haven't had sex in probably 2 weeks, maybe more. I wish I were exaggerating. I keep asking C for it, but he keeps putting me off. I think he just doesn't want to hurt me, and I've been really sick.

Please make a note of this, so that at my funeral you can make sure the eulogy includes the fact that what finally drove Cassandra over the edge and made her leap from a tall building was that the pain took away her sex life. (Just kidding. I totally wouldn't leap to my death. I'm afraid of heights! No, no, I've got it all planned out, and heights are not the way I'd go.)

I plan to try to jump my husband's bones today. We'll see how successful that is. I am still pretty sick, and in some pretty serious consistent pain… but endorphins! And seratonin! And oxytocin! And natural analgesic properties!! Until then, I'm watching Catching Fire and trying to distract myself  long and/or well enough to perhaps nap a bit. Another downside of sleeping on the couch, besides the fact that I don't get to cuddle C, is that the cats--Coraline in particular--see it as an open invitation to pet themselves on me and wake me up. Also my mouth falls way open when I'm asleep sitting upright and it dries out and tastes terrible. Who likes that?

It feels weird to be so irritable. I'm not usually like this. I'd rather go back to being happy-go-lucky. I said something to C the other day about some tentative plans we have for a few months from now, tossing out there that, "Maybe I'll be better by then!!" C laughed at me and said that my optimism never fails to amaze and amuse him. He doesn't know, though. Maybe I will be better by then. Maybe.

A girl can dream.

(Btw, if you want to watch Catching Fire online, I found it here. It lags a little, but I think that may just be my internet. I reduced it to 360p and it seems to be doing better; the picture quality is not really affected.)