Preparing for Vigil

 Yesterday was crap for both C and I. (I'll explain later.)

Today is D's birthday, or would be if he were still alive. I've already spent some time weeping loudly and rocking back in forth in grief, and it's only 9 a.m.

Tonight is the vigil.

I woke up with trouble walking in addition to the usual high pain levels. Yesterday when I practiced my song, my wrist and arm was spasming and cramping for the next 5 hours. Mer.

But I'm determined that today will be a... well.. a good day? An important day, if nothing else. I can still move around, albeit slowly, and I did most of the prep for the vigil yesterday. Yeah. It'll be ok. I'm nervous, but that's always the case when I get up front for stuff. I get nervous before hand. It's my fear of failure.

Oh, and I made the front page of the local paper yesterday with an article about the abuse that I survived as a child. Part of the publicity campaign for the vigil, and because I'm one of the speakers. When I read it, it's like I'm reading about someone else, and it horrifies me that someone should have to live through that. When I think about my own experience I minimize, minimize, minimize. But seeing it in black and white, in someone else's words? Yeah. It makes it real, and then I'm like, "Shit. I'm amazing!" LOL

So. On with the day. I'll report back... eventually. Work laptop died yesterday (told you it was crap) so I'm using C's comp again, and it's kind of a pain to boot this thing up and then sit in one position in the computer chair. I don't care so much for it.