Hmm...

A lot to process lately.

What do you do if you were sure you were where God wants you, only to find that things are changing, and the very reasons you thought God wanted you in a certain place are no longer good reasons?

Yeah.

I'll be leaving the S's soon. Soon meaning... well, I don't know when. But I don't think it's wise to start the support group at this time.  However, I did get good practice setting it all up, and who's to say I can't take it with me where I go next? No one. I'm going to do it, still, even if it's not in Idaho.

I called D and told him that I've decided to go to massage school, but I don't know where yet. Does he want me to come up there where he is? There are a couple massage schools there. He said he'd call me back. It's been almost a week now, haven't heard from him, though he said he'd call back in a day or two.

I realized today why that bugs me so badly when he does that--my mom did the same thing all the time when I was a kid. "I'll be there in an hour" meant "see you in three to four hours". Drove me crazy. She's better now, but I still hate it when people do that. It's like they don't care enough to stick to their word.

Anyway... I'm researching schools and filling out my FAFSA and all that fun stuff. It seems to me that C is thinking that I need to be moving out soon... she says not before January, and I agree, but I had initially been thinking summer or fall. She's thinking more like spring, early or late. I'd like to stick around for my birthday, at least. It's not just the S's I'm thinking of, though I live with them-- I have friends here, and engagements.

Just... a lot to think through. I've kind of become numb, of sorts. Juneaux is an indoor-outdoor cat now, because I simply don't care enough to worry about him like I used to. I love him, but... he's just a cat. He's not my lifeline. If he gets hurt, or killed, I'll be devastated, but I'll survive. And he's so much happier being outside... it's not worth the effort to keep him in all the time anymore.

I feel the same about D. I can take him or leave him at this point. It's like, look dude-- if you want to try this thing out, then let's do it. If not, then great, I'm moving on and moving away. Make up your mind. Do you want me or not?

Maybe I'm coasting. Maybe I'm in survival/defense mode. I don't care. All I know is it's working.

(Oh, yeah, and I've been fasting/cleansing for four whole days now. That is a record for me- I hate going without food!!)