Researching

I've come to the point where I'm suspicious of good things. Not all good things, mind you, but things that just seem to be so good and to fit so right... that's what I thought about the summer camp I worked at. It's perfect! I'm so excited! But people can portray reality any which way they want when you don't know them, and it can wind up being a foretaste of hell.

However, that foretaste imbued me with a strength that I would not have gotten any other way. It is from that experience that I realize, I am strong. I can survive. Sure, I fell apart somewhat during the summer (the S's and D know the full extent of that), but I learned. I've grown.

But, man, I sure don't want to make that mistake again!! I'd rather things go well, quite frankly. I can learn without agony of soul and body, thankyouverymuch.

So, I'm researching massage colleges, and there's one that's captivated my interest. It seems so good, just what I want, in a state that I'd like to live in, not saturated with New Age beliefs, and the lady I talked to was so very nice to me. We clicked well.

I'm just afraid to take that leap, to move forward into the unknown, and... totally hate my decision. I'm afraid it will collapse around my ears.

I suppose the question is, does God dictate our moves to us? How do I know God's leading me? Eh? Because, as usual, I'm afraid to make the wrong choice. :)

And, on a totally different and unrelated note-- I'm SO HUNGRY! 7 days of fasting. I can't wait to start eating again. Tomorrow! Tomorrow! It has never been such a sweet word.

Oh, yeah, and one more thing... Why not do the support group? My counselor challenged me on that. If I have the capabilities to help someone while I'm still here, why not? Why put it off? Why wait? I... don't have a good reason, really, just thinking that it might not be the best to start something I can't finish. After all, I'd planned on facilitating it for a whole year. Now, it looks as though I'll be leaving March/April. That's only 5 or 6 months. But those months could mean the world to someone. I'm gonna do it.