I'm scared.

I'm scared.

I spoke with the hospital today to set up a payment plan to pay off my debts with them, but they can only give us 6 months out to pay it off, so that makes the monthly payment over one hundred dollars. It's going to be even more after I go in for the EEG and MRI next week... it almost makes me not want to go. Really.

C keeps saying we'll be okay, and that we're going to make it. I know he's right, but I'm still... scared. I don't know how we're going to do this. We're already stretched so tight just covering basic expenses. How are we going to pull this off?

It's times like this when the thought of slipping quietly into death is so very appealing, times when uncertainty and fear are overwhelming and when it has been a long day (or days) full of grueling pain. I begin to wonder... is it worth it?

I love my life, and I love my husband, so very much, but... it feels like he'd be better off without me around.

I'll be telling him all this (probably amidst tears) when he gets home, and he'll reassure me and work out the numbers and we'll be okay, but right now... right now I'm hurting so much, and I'm scared that we're going to go belly up and maybe lose our house or something. At least we have several months before C has to start paying more for health insurance.

What are we gonna do?

2 thoughts:

Post a Comment