I was trying to walk away from the path God has set me on for now. That would have been folly, but sometimes you just get so tired of fighting, you know? But the experience was a great comfort to me, because it shows me that, if I'm starting to walk out of the way, God is GOING to let me know! He's not just going to let me drift away, silently staring after my footsteps.
For some reason, the group tonight made me think of all my "flings"(i.e.-"romantic" relationships of any sort) I've had. I started listing them, one by one, in my head... and the list went on... and on... and on... So now I have this compulsion to get it out. It's like baker's chocolate... almost sweet, yet incredibly bitter, these memories... especially as I see how many shards of my hollow heart have been carelessly tossed about to the highest bidder. I pity myself, my child self. I was crying for love, acceptance, importance, meaning. I did not attain it by academic prowess. In fact, life only seemed to get worse. So... the other way to get love is, of course, to be in a relationship! Of course! How simple it is. Heh.
Here goes nothing. And in chronological order, too.
Js H- 4
Mcl -6/7
Omr -8/9/10?
Mk-11-13
Wm-12
Dvd-12-13
Billy the pedophile-12-13
Migrant field worker-13
R U-13
Flx-14
ImmortalPoet-14/15
Mk-15
Js-15-16
Hly-13-16
Csr-15/16?
Mc-15/16
Jn-16
Js-16
Jms-17
C-16-21
Brn-19/20
Rn-19/20
GM-20-21
That's 23.
"When the flower of love blooms in your heart, you will be loved in return."
It's not time yet.
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