What can I say?

It seems like the words are more difficult to find when all is going smoothly. ("Smoothly" is a very, very relative term, of course...) They remain curled amongst each other in their murky dens, loathe to untangle themselves and crawl onto the glaring white of my screen.

Today was hard. Not in the gut-wrenching, heart-rending way that is so common to me lately... but in a more wearisome, numbing way. I'm still working on Step 4-- my searching and fearless moral inventory. Fearless. Hah. Well, fine. I'll just rename my emotions... I am experiencing trepidation when it comes time to work this step. How's that? Anyway, I've already identified the objects of my resentment and fear (though more have come to mind since), and what actions they took to harm me. Now, I'm on #3-- what are the effects of those actions on my life? For crying out loud, I don't know!


I do know, however, that I'd like to have these facial features, arranged in this particular symmetry, with these particular colors:

I found her while looking for pictures to put in my #3 worksheet video.

Things are going pretty good on the homefront, though, and that's a plus. It was really, really hard for a while, because communication had pretty much broken down entirely, and we (meaning "they" and "I") were both in survival mode, with nothing to give anyone else, really... it was hard. I even contemplated leaving, but I realized that would be stupid. How am I ever going to learn to work through conflicts, tensions, and stress healthfully if I keep running away from it? Right. I'm not.

Anyway, we worked through that with a series of conversations, and it feels like I'm a plant that's finally getting water. I've just kind of perked up, without any effort at all. It's amazing. Now, if only it would stay like this forever with no maintenance... (Yeah... right.)

There's more to discuss, but all my brain seems to want to discuss right now is the peculiar qualities my pillow has been imbued with, especially when it comes in contact with a certain set of follicles possessed by yours truly.

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