"Beloved, I wish above all things..."

I've been having a difficult time with my energy levels lately. And with eating.

I ate a good meal today, one of the first in a good week or so... After that upset with R being arrested, my appetite vanished completely, then would make super-brief, reluctant appearances. Now it appears that it's tentatively reestablishing residence, but I've had the added complicator of stomach pain and cramps when I ingest anything remotely filling... regardless of how "safe" it is.

(On a side note, I think I finally figured out a way that I can ingest that smoked fish H gave me without becoming queasy at the first taste! It has to do with caramelized onions, Himalayan sea salt, and balsamic vinegar. It turned out pretty tasty, I must say... for smoked fish.)

My energy levels have been ridiculous. We're talking blood sugar all over the charts, here. I'm constantly craving carbs and sugar, and the past couple of days I've given in. I can't afford to get into that roller-coaster cycle of highs and crashes that carbs and refined sugars will take me on, but I'm just so dizzy and  queasy and sluggish and fatigued by mid afternoon that a can of cola seems to be my only hope if I want to make it through the rest of the day.

Now, if I can get over my aversion to going to bed earlier, I think that helps, some. But I really need to get back with a doctor and square this all away. It seems that the happy maintenance phase has ended, and it's time for some more intelligent intervention. Unfortunately, I can't afford it right now. But I did apply for state health care this morning, and I'm off to the library in a few to find those grants for medical care to individuals that I stumbled across before. 

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