Word vomit

I'm restless... guarded...

My body and eyes are tired, but my will won't let me sleep. I'm on guard-- vigilant. Restless. Punishing myself?

I've been so to-the-core exhausted lately, you'd think I'd take all the sleep I can get, but last night was a very difficult night for me. I slept for two hours, woke up and couldn't sleep for another two hours. Then I was tossing and turning the rest of the night-- every time I rolled over or changed position, I'd wake up again.

Maybe I just don't feel safe right now.

And I feel under pressure.



Unemployed (sorta).


I'm overwhelmed.

I was overwhelmed Wednesday for sure. Yesterday, I guess it would be...

I almost cried several times just in the Walmart with C.

Oh, yeah, and my car's battery died. I had to get a new one. More debt on the credit card... it's not much, but still... it's more than I can pay.

Medical bills.

This medical mystery I'm going through. (How many of those can you have in one young adulthood anyway?!) I'm grateful for medical care, but I know it means more bills later.

Am I crazy? I must be crazy... but my credibility is on the line, here. Why can't I believe myself? Furthermore, why can't I be proven right?!? Crimeny...

Wanting counseling, but knowing I can't afford it. I can't even afford to buy a new pack of underwear at this point.

You try living off of $160 a month and see how it goes. Gas, food--everything.

If it weren't for the kindness of loved ones and friends, I'd surely be buried by now... or a hooker. Or both.

C is both trying to comfort and fix me... I think it frustrates him a little when I break down like this, because it's not entirely logical... and he keeps telling me to be logical and not to worry about things I can't do anything about. I grumped back at him that I'm not consciously worrying about it, but he says that I must be because I'm thinking about it. Well I'm only thinking about it because you told me to! You told me to figure out what's stressing me out! Okay, I'm sorry, I'm being a little defensive right now...

I feel like I want to throw up... physically and emotionally. I'm just feeling sick. That's all.

This will pass... maybe after the word vomit?

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