"Are you excited?!"

I'm getting that question a lot lately. It makes sense, really, because we're only 5 days away from the wedding.

But the answer is not a simple, "Yes." I don't really know what to say when people ask me that, so I just go with the simple, "Yeah, I'm super stoked!" so I don't have to explain myself.

I mean, it's not that I'm not excited, it just... kinda comes in bursts.

Now, going to the Ren Faire? That was exciting. I was really, really looking forward to that one in the jiggling-in-my-seat-tingling-in-my-stomach way, and I could hardly wait for the day to come. Maybe that's what I'm expecting "excited" to feel like for the wedding, but it's just not there.

I'm looking forward to the reception, because it will be beautiful.

I'm nervous yet happily anticipatory about the song I'm going to surprise C with.

I'm elated to see my family and friends again!

And I am definitely calm and satisfied with the prospect of saying my vows and exchanging rings with the man that I love so dearly, becoming his wife.

But I don't have butterflies, and I'm not jiggling in my seat.

Maybe it's because I planned this. It's like planning a birthday party for yourself. It's really not that exciting. Pleasant, sure. Fun? No doubt. But exciting? Not so much. Exciting is planning a surprise for someone else. Exciting is taking a trip to the Ren Faire and just letting the day happen without having it all planned out to the minute, like the wedding is planned. Exciting is anticipating the faces of my grandparents when they see Peanut for the first time.

So am I excited? Um, sure. Really, though, I'm just going to be relieved once it's over and I'm a wife.

It'll be a fun party, but there are too many moving parts for me to get really, really excited about it. I'm more excited about the wedding night... ;)

(Because of the place my health is at this week, I'm postponing my surprise for C until the official honeymoon weekend. I will, however, still have a lovely surprise for him... and that I'm excited about.)