I called my dad.

I called my dad, T, today.

He broke the initial ice by calling me while I was visiting the S's, so I guess it was my turn to make a move.

Just kidding. I don't think of it that way at all, "turns" and such. That implies debt, which is so not a part of this friendship/relationship/whatever it is we're calling it.

Anyway, I'd just been thinking of calling him off and on for the past few weeks, and today when the thought came randomly ambling through my head, I grabbed my phone and made good on the impulse before I could lose my nerve.

Lose my nerve? Why would I have a nerve to lose about this?

Well... you know me and imposing on people. I hate asking favors. (I ended up asking him for money! Gaaaack! How did THAT happen?!?! He says that I must have meant to, or else I wouldn't have brought it up, but I was just telling stories about what's going on in my life and how the house thingy was going... I thought. Maybe I did want to ask him for money without realizing it... Stop it! Stop overthinking this, woman!!) I want to be as unobtrusive as possible, and I was worried that I'd be calling him at a bad time, or that he would feel pressured to talk to me or something... but he was genuinely happy to hear from me! That was reassuring. :)

Anyway, we had a nice chat. His people showed up part-way through the convo and started picking on him, which was hilarious, but he actually barricaded himself in the bathroom to talk to me.

See, now I know that he actually wants to talk to me, that he wants to hear from me. Ahh, reassurance. ('Cause one phone conversation doesn't necessarily mean that someone wants you to be part of their life, you know?)

Oh, and when I mentioned that C and I are planning to come out and visit him and his wife in about a year, he got all excited. It was so cute! Made me happy :) I'm genuinely looking forward to meeting him and my step-mom. (Oddly enough, she's only 5 years older than I am. I don't think it'll be weird, but kinda cool, actually... we'll be much more able to relate to one another, I think.)

One thing he said was kinda funny. He mentioned that he reads my blog (hi, dad! lol), and basically that I think too much and need to learn to shut my brain off.

So as revenge for that comment, I'm picking apart our conversation on my blog. How do you like them apples?

Juuuuuust kidding. I just like to have these thoughts here, because I lose them otherwise. I'm able to hit the archives and see where I was at a certain phase in my life with no rose-colored glasses, no denial, and no justification. I can look back and see what I thought, how I felt, and why. As time goes on and I change, I tend to dismiss where I was before as though it never happened... especially if I'm embarrassed by it in some way. This way I have an undeniable record.

And, also, there is the corked and shaken bottle effect that he mentioned. I gotta get it out somehow so I don't explode!

But still... I think he has a point. I have a hard time just... being. Just stopping. Not "go-go-go"ing, not thinking about things and analyzing them and feeling so many feels about them...

So he asked me if I even know how to just shut my brain off and not care. Answer? Nope. But I'm a heck of a lot better at it than I used to be. I'm getting there...

But for today? I really don't care. I am feeling crappy, because I pushed really hard a couple of days in a row (that's what I get for working and going to school lol), and now I'm reaping the effects. So I stayed in bed all morning, and I don't care. I have a plan or two for this weekend that may or may not happen, but you know what? I don't care if it works out or not. More likely than not I'm going to end up at the house I'm housesitting, laying on the couch and watching movies all weekend. Actually... that sounds like a brilliant idea!

Or maybe I'll use the opportunity of S moving out to actually clean the house.


Anyway, I talked to my dad today even though I was a little scared to call him, and... the more I talk to him, the more I like him. I'm really looking forward to visiting him. (Especially because phone conversations are more challenging than face-to-face conversations-- I have difficulty hearing the voices, and there are no lips to read. Frustration!) He says he'll probably call me next week. I'm looking forward to that.

Little things like that... are enough to put a little smile on your face for the rest of the day. :)

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