Frustrated (and a few positives)

Damnit! Blast it all to hades!

I'm so frustrated...

I was so GOOD today, taking it easy and resting up... the only things I did were dishes and take care of the dogs, watch a movie (or two-- I'm watching another one now), hang out on facebook... but still. A ridiculous flare. Even with painkillers in my system, my pain is spiking at like, a 7... I'm tired. Achy. Headache. In pain. Fogged out.

I can't even take a bath, because our stupid bathtub that magnetizes foot-dirt is all foot-dirted up, and in order to take a bath I have to clean the tub first, but I haven't had the energy to clean the tub in a couple of weeks, and I sure as heck don't have it in me right now to clean the tub, so no hot bath for me... 'cause I'm not going to soak in foot-dirt. Gross. (I have to clean the thing once a week or else it's not fit to soak in.) Not that it matters... the hot water heater doesn't hold enough to fill up the tub, anyway...

I just don't understand. There is no winning with this damn disease/illness/syndrome/whatever the hell you call it.

I just don't understand.

I'm sure there's good days a'comin', but right now, I'm just frustrated and in pain and I don't understand what's going on with my darn body. It's like, even when I try my best... it's just not good enough.

And I still want cupcakes.

Okay, okay, I had to come back and add a few things... couldn't just leave it all grumpy and sad like I did. There are positives, always.

1. I am doing my best. That's a positive right there.
2. Even if I am sick on my wedding day, which I'm trying desperately to avoid (hence being so "good"- I've got a goal in mind besides just "getting better"!), I have this amazing support network that will be around me and carry me through the day... even if they have to do it literally.
3. I actually asked for help. My friend C, the one who gets me the free massages, was insistent that if I ever need help with housework or something that I ought to call on her. Well... I finally did. As much as I want to be able to clean the house myself, I'm only able to do basic upkeep. I can't dig in and really clean, I can only maintain the level of clean that is currently... there.
4. I did what I was supposed to do and rested today, even if it didn't have the desired results. So there. I can do it!

See? Positives. Always.

Oh, yeah, and I'm still breathing... and getting married to a wonderful man in 14 days. There is always that. :)

0 thoughts:

Post a Comment