Such a thing as a bad cupcake?

This is a "journal entry" I wrote today on a bride website I'm part of. I kinda want to blog, but I don't have the energy or the thought wherewithal, so... cupcakes it is.

"Is there such a thing as a bad cupcake?

I really didn't think so, until today.

I mean, it's not like they're bad bad, they're just... not great. Not what I had envisioned.

The cupcakes themselves aren't that much of a surprise. I'm not that great of a baker (I do better with the stovetop than the oven, truly), and allergy-friendly baking is challenging for even accomplished bakers. I'm trying to make cupcakes without gluten, soy, most dairy, eggs, citrus, or potatoes, but I found a mix that looked promising.

After substituting the necessary ingredients and hoping for the best, the smell wafting from the kitchen stirred up my optimism. I was hoping that I would defy the odds and pull moist, finely crumbed morsels of tenderness from the oven, just like the cupcakes of my fantasies. (Because, really, all I've done about cupcakes in the last 7 years is fantasize...)

So the cupcakes themselves aren't bad. They're not finely crumbed, but they're pretty tender... but they began to fall in on themselves while cooling, and they're short. Stubby. No muffin-top here. Most barely clear the top of the liner, and some don't even make it that far. (I'm thinking the whole "1/3 of the muffin liner" thing doesn't apply here...)

Okay. I can deal with that. Piled high with white, fluffy frosting, it'll still look okay, right?

The surprise was the frosting. I opened the tub of "safe" frosting that I'd managed to find, and gave it a vigorous stir, only to find that it's not fluffy and pile-able. It's pretty tasty, no doubt, but it's more of a sheer, sticky spread than anything else. But that was okay. Maybe the Celtic knot cupcake stencils and silver cake spray could still turn these things into a semblance of the glorious cupcakes of my daydreams.

Long story short? No. Not happening. After the silver spray totally ignored the boundaries of the stencil, I thought that maybe cocoa powder would work and look attractive against the now silver frosting. I really should invest in a powdered sugar shaker or sifter of some sort before I try that again... but the cocoa made it extra delicious.

And really, at least they taste good. I'll just tell my photographer to ignore them, I think. It makes me think of what we here at the Tribe say about the wedding day itself: it may turn out crazy, things may go wrong, and it may not be what you envisioned at all. At the end of the day, though, what matters is that you and your partner are married. And at the end of the day, is the purpose of a cupcake not to be delicious?

Note: This was just the test run. Hopefully the real deal-- the chocolate ones-- turn out better! Also, there are no pictures... for a reason. And I tagged this as Tough Times because, though the entry is lighthearted, I'm genuinely very disappointed and distressed about this. My fiance thinks that I ought to storm a bakery, give them ingredients, and demand that they make me something delicious and pretty, or ELSE! I just laughed... because cross-contamination and that's never gonna happen.

Also, please, no baking advice unless you have the same allergies as I do and have done well baking around them. Chia seed for egg, rice milk with a little vinegar (I'm thinking coconut milk next time?) for buttermilk, and thank GOD that I'm allowed a little dairy now or I'd have to figure something out for butter, too."