Even though I have a hard time sleeping these days, I still enjoy lying in bed with C. Often, he'll roll over and pull me into a sleepy spoon embrace, his tall frame tucked around mine and his arm wrapped around my waist, my head half on a pillow and half on his other upper arm. If he rolls the other way, I will curve myself around him, cheek pressed to the warm expanse of his bare back and arm slung over his side. No matter which way we're lying, our legs always find themselves weaving and tangling together, feet caressing calves and toes.
Last night we carried my "new" "pantry" into the kitchen. It's just a tall metal cabinet with shelves inside and two swinging doors, but it used to sit on the porch of the apartment, and in C's first apartment before that. (I don't know where he got it, as it wasn't there when I lived with him the first time...) After bringing in the pantry, C began cooking and I sat on the squishy rug to converse with him.
I told him that I knew we'd be okay financially, and there's some things I can do here and there to save a few bucks, but in the depths of my heart I am afraid that he will come to resent me for taking all of his money... the way R seems to resent mom. (Honestly, I'm afraid that R will/does resent me, as well. I hate being a money pit.)
My siblings have, at different times, texted me about relationships. The first time, J asked me, "Love won't always be like this, will it?" This most recent time, the other J texted me to say, "Please tell me you are happy with C." They're watching us, waiting with bated breath to see if there really is such a thing as a happy, healthy marriage. I get that. I so, so get that. I seize these opportunities with my siblings to teach them pieces of what I've learned about life and healthy relationships, all the while affirming that C and I are, indeed, happy and healthy and not splitting up. Our friends are watching us, too, looking to us as both example and inspiration. Often I wonder how this can be. We are so young. What kind of examples can we be? But in a world that is riddled with the shattered corpses of unions and commitments, I suppose that a living, breathing marriage in fine fettle is a rare thing, indeed.
Last night we carried my "new" "pantry" into the kitchen. It's just a tall metal cabinet with shelves inside and two swinging doors, but it used to sit on the porch of the apartment, and in C's first apartment before that. (I don't know where he got it, as it wasn't there when I lived with him the first time...) After bringing in the pantry, C began cooking and I sat on the squishy rug to converse with him.
I told him that I knew we'd be okay financially, and there's some things I can do here and there to save a few bucks, but in the depths of my heart I am afraid that he will come to resent me for taking all of his money... the way R seems to resent mom. (Honestly, I'm afraid that R will/does resent me, as well. I hate being a money pit.)
My siblings have, at different times, texted me about relationships. The first time, J asked me, "Love won't always be like this, will it?" This most recent time, the other J texted me to say, "Please tell me you are happy with C." They're watching us, waiting with bated breath to see if there really is such a thing as a happy, healthy marriage. I get that. I so, so get that. I seize these opportunities with my siblings to teach them pieces of what I've learned about life and healthy relationships, all the while affirming that C and I are, indeed, happy and healthy and not splitting up. Our friends are watching us, too, looking to us as both example and inspiration. Often I wonder how this can be. We are so young. What kind of examples can we be? But in a world that is riddled with the shattered corpses of unions and commitments, I suppose that a living, breathing marriage in fine fettle is a rare thing, indeed.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
I don't like walking around this old and empty house
So hold my hand, I'll walk with you, my dear
The stairs creak as you sleep, it's keeping me awake
It's the house telling you to close your eyes
And some days I can't even trust myself
It's killing me to see you this way
'Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
Hey! Hey! Hey!
There's an old voice in my head that's holding me back
Well tell her that I miss our little talks
Soon it will be over and buried with our past
We used to play outside when we were young
And full of life and full of love.
Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right
Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear
'Cause though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
Hey!
Don't listen to a word I say
Hey!
The screams all sound the same
Hey!
Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
Hey!
Hey!
You're gone, gone, gone away
I watched you disappear
All that's left is the ghost of you.
Now we're torn, torn, torn apart,
There's nothing we can do
Just let me go we'll meet again soon
Now wait, wait, wait for me
Please hang around
I'll see you when I fall asleep
Hey!
Don't listen to a word I say
Hey!
The screams all sound the same
Hey!
Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
Don't listen to a word I say
Hey!
The screams all sound the same
Hey!
Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
Though the truth may vary
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore
JLynnCorter | June 5, 2013 at 7:52 PM
I understand how you feel, wondering if your significant other will come to resent you. I feel that way ALL the time. Being chronically ill is constantly making me feel insecure. Sucks.
But,
OMGSH! I love that song! My husband and I sing that all the time in the car! :)