On becoming a druid

I never, ever thought I'd be doing this, but...

I'm having C help me roll up a character for DnD.

Yeah. Let the geekdom commence.

It's funny, because I used to think that DnD was like a Ouija board, you know? It was one of those taboo things that only Satan worshippers did, because it channeled evil spirits and sacrificed your soul and whatever.

Guess what? Not true.

It's just a tabletop role playing game. Like the SIMS, but not virtual. And so not a direct channel to Satan.

I mean, I guess you could use it that way, if you wanted to... just like most other things.

These guys just like to play together in a way that activates their imaginations and lets them kick back and have fun without worrying about their lives or the pressures thereof for a while.

And I think I could use some of that.

Honestly, I was resistant for many different reasons. First of all, what will my church friends think?! It's another step in my degradation, or so they would consider it. (Due to the aforementioned stereotype and, honestly, the name itself.)

Secondly, you can pretty much be whoever and whatever you want in the game. You can act out... whatever you want. And that is scary. Why? Because I've spent so long carefully crafting and controlling my personality that the option to "act out", so to speak, is a threat.

But that, honestly, is one of the things that finally convinced me. In the book Boundaries In Dating, the authors speak about the issues that come from not being able to integrate one's good and bad selves into one cohesive person, and how that leads to relationship issues and personhood issues and all kinds of messiness. For me, I see this as being therapeutic, in a way-- a safe place to learn how to integrate the "badness" that I'm so reluctant to admit to in my public life. Here on this blog, I have no facades. In real life, however... I'm not nearly as open. But I do want to learn how to be a balanced person, a real, authentic, imperfect person who accepts herself for who she is instead of constantly castigating herself for what she is not or what she should be... and I see this as a good avenue toward that.

The possibility and certainty of making mistakes is daunting. But I want to overcome that fear.

The final straw, however, was that C is going to be playing racquetball with me once a week, so it's only fair that I play one of his games with him. Give and take, you know? Plus I knew it would make him super happy, 'cause he's a nerd like that. An adorable, adorable nerd.

Plus, it will help me become more proficient with math. (Yet another reason why my initial response was, "Gag me with a spoon!")

Cons? They've taken to staying up late (although C has been desirous of change in that area), and I don't do so well late at night anymore. Plus, if I'm working, I'll have to get up at a decent hour... but the understanding is that people leave when they need to.

So, anyway, I've made the decision. I'll be a human druid for this campaign, though I'm not entirely sure what my alignment will be yet. Probably chaotic good. (I'll have to do another post on "alignment" sometime soon. It's really intriguing. This game is startlingly insightful to the mind of humanity.)

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