It's rather unnerving when life is going well.
I keep waiting for the axe to fall.
And at times it does, but only within my own mind.
I was so happy yesterday morning, only to have the waves of self-recrimination and doubt follow close upon the heels of my relief. And why?
Perhaps I simply cannot bear to allow myself to be happy for any length of time. R is like that.
But I am happy... on a deeper level, beyond the shifting sands of my emotions. I am satisfied. Perhaps that's a better way to put it. I like my life. I rather even like who I am. (At least, for now...)
Granted, there are still the strands of uncertainty that weave their way through my consciousness. Everything I love and hold dear can be snatched from me at any moment-- such is the nature of life on Earth. Nothing is certain, really. I can either fight that, or accept it.
Maybe it's the path of acceptance and intentionally striving for whole-hearted living that brings peace.
It is my intent to find out.
I keep waiting for the axe to fall.
And at times it does, but only within my own mind.
I was so happy yesterday morning, only to have the waves of self-recrimination and doubt follow close upon the heels of my relief. And why?
Perhaps I simply cannot bear to allow myself to be happy for any length of time. R is like that.
But I am happy... on a deeper level, beyond the shifting sands of my emotions. I am satisfied. Perhaps that's a better way to put it. I like my life. I rather even like who I am. (At least, for now...)
Granted, there are still the strands of uncertainty that weave their way through my consciousness. Everything I love and hold dear can be snatched from me at any moment-- such is the nature of life on Earth. Nothing is certain, really. I can either fight that, or accept it.
Maybe it's the path of acceptance and intentionally striving for whole-hearted living that brings peace.
It is my intent to find out.
0 thoughts: