Demotivational Post-- I quit!

Have you ever seen those super inspirational quotes or pictures with quotes on them that people post on Facebook all the time? I have. (Probably because I've "liked" some pages entitled things like "Inspirational Quotes and Pictures". ) A lot of those quotes I've seen have to do with not giving up, not giving in, trying trying trying, and never quitting.

For example:
"Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever." – Lance Armstrong

Well, you know what? I guess I fail, because I quit.

I quit trying. I quit caring. I quit trying to make my life into something that it's not. I quit this whole "chronic illness/incessant pain" thing. I quit.

I'm done.

I can't/won't/don't want to do this anymore.

I know that's not particularly motivational or inspiring, but you know what? I don't care. Remember? I quit caring. Besides, it's not my job to be an inspiration for anyone, and I resent the cultural implications that to have a hardship or a disability or setback of any kind means that I have to "overcome" and keep smiling and be all inspirational.

I take exception to the inspiration porn, like the ones I showed above. I'm sorry, Lance, but my pain doesn't subside. So what do I do now? Carol? You've got it right. But I'm tired of trying to change my life. My wheels are spinning, and I'm stalled out. Unknown? My body quit 1,000 times, and my mind is just now giving up, so screw you. And sir Napoleon, I'm of the opinion that my defeat is a little more than temporary. I've been trying this whole time to see it as "temporary", as something that I can get over with some consistent work... or if not "get over", then at least "bring to a manageable level"... but I'm quitting even that.

I can't bring these illnesses to heel. So I quit.

I can't make any plans for the next month, week, or day, or even for later the same day. So I quit.

I can't make it through 99.9% of days without prescription pain killers, and I feel guilty and weak for that... so I quit.

I'm just... done. From here on out I'm coasting through life. What's the point of putting forth effort? It hasn't helped yet, and I just keep letting myself down. My hopes are continually dashed. I'm tired. Tired of hoping, tired of hurting, tired of trying to make it work... so I quit. I'm done.

And once I quit, I felt a whole lot better. No more pressure to get stuff done, no more disappointment that I woke up with the same migraine I went to sleep with, no more caring that I only got 5 hours of sleep because of sickness and pain.

You know what? I had ice cream for breakfast. I did. And it was awesome. It tasted like fudgecicles.

So here are my thoughts on motivational/inspirational quotes:

(And just for fun...)

2 thoughts:

  • Julie Rose | May 28, 2013 at 7:58 PM

    Hey guess what? You don't have to be 'inspirational' for me to love you. I won't send you motivational quotes or tell you that it's all going to work out okay, because I DON'T KNOW THAT. It might not be okay. You might never run again. But then, you might become a triathlete. You just never know with life. Even if you stop trying, and quit fighting, and give up on being brave, I still love you. Heh. Sorry, you can't get away from me!! (Figuratively. Literally, you've done a pretty good job. We can't seem to meet up!)

  • Shashi Suryawanshi | August 28, 2013 at 11:20 PM

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