WRONG. I'm not even going to bother going into detail, but all I know at the end of this day is that I have a porcelain friend.
I always decide against having any "bad" foods on purpose, 'cause I know that *sigh* I'll pay. Oh boy, I'll pay. I hate food allergies. Why can't I just be like J and get sub-dermal cysts and a low immune system?
Well, on the bright side... at least I don't go into anaphylactic shock. I could be dead right now. (My colon wants me dead. Seriously.)
So, I must prepare for my ordeal tomorrow. I have no idea how it's going to go, I only know that God has told me I need to try to patch up this relationship, even though she pretends as though nothing ever happened...
I guess the whole point is that I want to try to understand her perspective, and use some I-statements to explain to her how much her actions hurt me. If the opportunity arises, I'd like to insert this question/statement: "In the future, if I go to God about something and come out with different convictions than you have, is this scenario going to repeat itself?" Something along those lines. I also want to stress that, if she has a problem with me, please come to me. I mean, I understand as well as the next person the value of getting counsel from others, but she was not looking for counsel. She was (from my point of view) badmouthing me to my friends. But, tomorrow, we'll see what her perspective was.
Oh, Lord... what the heck am I gonna say?! I'm not skilled at this whole conflict-resolution thing. Just give me the right words. I don't want to alienate her or come across mean and spiteful or anything. I just want clarity. Clarity and resolution. And permission to be myself without looking over my shoulder all the time.
On a bright note, had a chat with a friend today. It was the perfect thing. Not that we were able to give each other answers or anything, but just knowing that someone else is out there fighting a similar battle is... heartening. Knowing that she'll be praying for me is awesome. And knowing that I'll be praying for her gives me a reason to keep talking to God.
And maybe it's also the friendship aspect of it. I'm honored that she chose to come to me. It makes me happy. And with her, I can be totally transparent and honest, and she's not repulsed. That in itself is totally cool.
Plus, I resonate with her emotions and thought processes alot. So when I'm praying for her, it's almost like I'm praying for me. Because I firmly believe that God loves her, has plans for her, and wants to elevate her to joys beyond her wildest dreams... and I have a hard time believing that for myself. But we're so similar that when I believe it for her, I'm believing it for me, too.
Oh, yeah. And I'm chopping my hair off on Friday. It'll look like this:
Awesome? Totally.
0 thoughts: