D Day

Well, today I go work with E after class... and I'm nervous. It's the "confrontation day". (Maybe I should call it "C Day" instead of "D Day"?)

I really have no idea how this is going to turn out. None at all. I don't know whether she'll welcome my "advice" or "insight" or whatever you want to call it...

...but I do know, as I told Mom the other day, I'm just not comfortable leading group without training. And I'm not comfortable with the fact that she's presenting HJ as an organization with "trained peer support specialists". Um, no. Kids just like me.

But in an environment like this one, I'm finding that "kids just like me" scenario to be detrimental to what I'm trying to do here. They like me, sure, but they don't really respect me, I think... and I can't earn it by efficiency and structure. At least, not yet.

And maybe the hiatus will help them realize what they've got, you know? Like, you don't miss it until it's gone? But it's not gone... just taking a time out.

*sigh* I don't know. Whether HJ takes a hiatus or not, I feel like I need to. Sorry, E. Maybe you will perceive it as selfish.

I've done enough of those "selfish" things over the past couple of years to not be so much fazed by it anymore.

I'm sorry if you hate me for this.

Ugh, anxiety... nibbling away at my guts...

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