Maybe it's wrong...

...but I'm glad I have the choice of whether or not to be part of "the church" and its culture.

Really, I do have a choice.

I sometimes feel like I don't, what with all the people asking me where I've been, and which church I'm going to because they just don't see me anymore, and etc.

I don't really feel like openly stating, "I don't go to your church anymore," so I try to find creative ways to sidestep the issue. (I also don't feel like openly stating, I've been visiting Sunday churches. You know... just trying to align myself with the Devil and all.)

I just feel this pressure, like if I don't go to their church, then I can't possibly be having any sort of a relationship with God. It's either-or with these folks, or at least that's the message I've squirreled away over the years.

I guess what makes it the most awkward for me is that I went to the Super Bible College, so they expect me to be this force for good in the church my whole life, to be a leader and an evangelist, to be eternally true and faithful to the church's doctrines and prophet because I learned, like, everything there is to know about it and it's the truth so how could I possibly walk away without forsaking the very essence of truth itself?

Because, I mean, you can't worship God unless you're a regular church attendee. It's not allowed. And you can't trust God unless you're giving Bible studies or studying prophecy or posting EGW quotes on facebook. Nope. It simply cannot be.

You might think that there's another path you can follow, but that's really just post-modern junk tainting your worldview.

And that's why I avoid these kinds of conversations, especially with those who knew me in my super-avid-soul-winner mode. Those who really know me, well... they don't ask those kinds of questions, actually.

Text from a friend yesterday:

"Hi c. How are you? Missed you today. [Church, in case you were wondering.] F preached a sermon just for you. Love you."

I took the bait.

"Really? What was it about?"

"It was about you and the youth being the future of our church. About believing in you supporting you and never giving up on you. Can probably get a copy for you. How are you?"


I forgot. I'm supposed to be the future of the church.

Well, bother.

At this juncture, it doesn't look like that's going to pan out so well.

On the one hand, it's nice that people care, but... I always feel like their "caring" is fueled by the ulterior motive of getting me back in church, and I dislike being manipulated, no matter how altruistic or well-intentioned the motive is.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get ready for church. I'm visiting the Episcopalian church today.

P.S.-- Adventists who are reading this: tuck this away for a rainy day. You'll probably never get anyone to tell you this kind of stuff to your face, especially if they're avoiding church. Why? Because Adventists are vicious evangelists, and any conversation is a chance that you'll be sneak-saved.

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