The Outcome

I think I'm hungry, but... sooooo sick...

I haven't been this bad in I cannot remember how long. Literally. Not even after eating things I'm not supposed to.

I don't understand why I have these problems.


On the bright side, I had "the talk" with E. Turns out that, in the intervening week between my decision to confront her and the actual confrontation, God's been putting some pieces into place in her own life that has actually changed the situation somewhat.

For starters, she's back to the "old E", the one I know and love as a strong fighter who doesn't let go of her dreams. She's not falling apart anymore. She did a really good job setting personal boundaries this last weekend, and I guess she was just finally in a place to receive what God wanted to give her for her personal life. So she's good. So that means that a hiatus is unnecessary, especially for the following reasons...

She's going to take over the teen group. It's her love, anyway, and S is awesome at and excited about leading the women's groups, not to mention that she's been training to do it for over a year now. If I feel ready to come back to facilitating at some point in the future, I'll be her backup, covering for her in case she gets sick or something. And I know that E will be so much better for those teen girls than I could ever be. She doesn't take any crap, something I struggle with. I'm great at making friends, but building and maintaining discipline? Not my strong area. E knows how to balance the love and the discipline, not to mention she's got the "mama" thing down. I think that's something these girls could really benefit from-- a warm, strong mother figure.

I'll get my training in crisis intervention, but it doesn't look like I'll go back to leading the teen groups. It's interesting, as you go through different experiences, how you become aware of your strengths and your weaknesses. I will remain E's administrative assistant-- filing, writing articles, putting together newsletters, going to meetings and giving presentations... all things that I genuinely enjoy. That's my element. And, when I'm healed some, I want to continue to give back to the ladies and women and boys of the HJ somehow... but for now, I'm going to focus on getting well. I'll still be working for E every week, but I won't be involved in group work. I'll probably pop by and see the girls every couple weeks or so, but... I'm backing way off. And it's good.

Actually, E mentioned a couple of times how she was thinking of taking the group "away" from me in the near future (not cause I wasn't doing well enough or anything, but just because of, well, this kind of situation that she could see brewing) and taking it over herself.

I'm honestly relieved at the outcome, and I feel like the timing was just right. I believe God was leading and orchestrating how the events fell just so, and I'm relieved to not be responsible for that group anymore. It had become a grudging burden, and that's no way to heal anyone or anything.

Now... on to the physical healing! If only I can figure that out...

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