Dropped by the docs

Life's been a little hard, but it's about to get a heck of a lot harder.

The rheum that's been letting me down for the past year and half is continuing her pattern with great style. I went in to get a pain killer script to carry me through to the appt with the new rheum, and she wouldn't fill it because she says it should last a month. It wasn't supposed to last a month! So anyway, I'm now jumping through a million hoops with different doctor's offices to get statements from one to go to the other so they can write a prescription for me since my old rheum is a douche… Do you know what she told me in my appointment when we were talking about possibly increasing pain killers? "I feel that addressing the underlying issues causing the pain would be the best thing for you."

No… you're kidding. Hmmm… Isn't that maybe what I've been paying you to do for the past year and a half?! I am livid. I hold her responsible for the state of my health and how far it's declined. It's her fault for not pursuing diagnostics to figure out what the hell is wrong with me, and now she's screwing me over on something that I desperately need. I am not a happy camper.

So I've been really really good about my pain killers, taking them as prescribed, but I will be running out on Sunday, because that's just when the script expires. Monday is a holiday, so the doctor's offices won't be open, and the one that I'm waiting on right now told me "sometime next week".

Dear god… They have NO idea how sick and miserable I'm going to be. They just don't know. And I'm terrified… because I'm already so sick. My levels of pain and other symptoms are approaching what  I was experiencing when I was off of the meds, so I'm sure that these days I'm without meds will be a special kind of hell.

The worst part is that this is absolutely not my fault, none of it. I trusted that doctor's office over and over again, and they have let me down over and over again. I feel… betrayed? I feel… taken advantage of, I guess? I mean, I'm the patient. I'm relying on them completely for my care. I'm powerless. I can't diagnose or treat myself, and I certainly can't write my own prescriptions. I'm in their hands, and they just dropped me. Again. I'm outraged. I'm incensed. I'm broken hearted. I'm facing an interminable stretch of horror because of… because of… ?

This is not gonna be fun. You probably won't be hearing much from me. I am just hanging in there until the appointment with my new rheum… hanging onto hope that maybe this time, maybe this doctor can help me figure out what the hell has gone wrong with my body. Oh! I also got a call from the hospital in the big city and they set up my initial appointment with a psychiatrist as well. It'll just be one fun-filled day, I'm sure. The psych appt is after the rheum appt, so if the rheum proves to be particularly disappointing I have a professional to cry to. That's something at least. Heh.

2 thoughts:

  • Rachel | January 19, 2014 at 11:56 PM

    I hate when doctors are douche canoes and don't listen. I'm sorry that you're having to put up with that. :(

    In other news, I've been reading a few of your posts, and you have a lot of spunk. I think we could be great, sick friends. :)

  • Cassandra | January 20, 2014 at 7:20 AM

    Douche canoes. That's a new one. I like it! By the by, do you realize that you sent me into TOTAL fangirl mode by a.) commenting, b.) saying you've read some of my stuff, and c.) that you think we can be friends?! I accept! I accept! Quickly, before you change your mind! *squeeeeee!* (I kid, I kid… sorta. I am a big fan of your blog, so I'm really honored by your presence and comment. Hope to see you around.)

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