Respiratory Infection, Day 2.

Yesterday I did a juice fast, and I was planning on fasting today, but I learned this week that the majority of the energy from your food goes into heat production. So, since I've got a fever, the wise thing to do would be to eat light food moderately, so my body has the energy to blaze this infection outta sight.

I got my period yesterday. Last time I can remember was sometime early to mid-summer… so it's been a couple months. I wonder… is my abnormal menstruation why I never got pregnant? If and when I do marry, will I be able to bear children? I guess that's something we'll have to talk about in pre-engagement.

By the by, I would just like to record (for the sake of posterity) that, as of the weekend before last, I finally began to "get over" C. I realized a.) I'd been holding onto that relationship in my heart, b.) There's no hope of us ever getting back together again, even if he does convert.

The b. realization was sparked by a convo with C (and influence by convos with B) about C. When she talked about his stubbornness and unwillingness to meet halfway, the sky began to lighten. When we talked about his life (which consists of work, TV, and vid/comp games), the sun broke the horizon. And as we discussed a certain situation where he had manipulated me into guilt to hide his lack of motivation, the dawn of truth broke full and clear. I realized… he's not someone I would date now. Why hang on to the memory of the relationship if I'd not go through it in the present?

Once I realized that there is no hope of us ever getting back together, I was able to let it go, like the thing with GM (which I sorely regret).

(Note: I find this hilarious, as we did get back together, get married, and I'm quite happy with the lifestyle we lead, and also with his stubbornness. Granted, we'll never live like mountain people in the country, but that's okay.)

Anyway, it's nice to be free of that.

Something happened inside me on the drive to SOULS. It was while I was contemplating the woman caught in adultery. I could identify with her so closely, I knew what happened to get her to where she was (abuse--SOP), and I knew exactly what was going on in her heart. I was her. So when Jesus said those word, "Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more, " he was speaking them to me. That's when I knew that healing was possible, and I don't have to be the way I am.

Upon further reflection, I've also realized that not only was he forgiving the action but all the thoughts and attitudes and sinful choices and habits that had led her to that point. Go and sin no more is not only a "command", or expectation, but a promise!

And those words, "neither do I condemn thee" meant that he loved her… me. Not for her body, or what he could get from her, or because she was an over-achieving superstar. He just… loved her.


Because she is his own creation. She's his image… like a father with a child. That child is his… and he loves it.

Yeah, that's what happened inside me. I don't fully understand what, when, why, or how… but now I have hope.

I think they call those things miracles.

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