Awww, that's so sweet Mom… *wipes tear from eyes* Seriously, I did cry when I read that…

Gawd, so much has happened since I last wrote… H and I got together, then broke up, then got together again, then broke up again. I dyed my hair black and now people think I'm a witch… Could be because the front half of my hair I bleached blonde… who knows? I'm going tricolor next- red, black, and blonde/orange… hehe. Oh yeah, J and I broke up forever ago, but I still miss him like hell. I think I might have loved him. Funny thing-- I believe in love again. I didn't for a while, but I found out that I did all along. I think I was using the whole "don't believe in love" thing as an excuse not to get close to H. I still like him, but I think that subconsciously I knew I wouldn't be with him forever. I can see myself with J forever… But it's too little, too late. Ah well, c'est la vie.

It's weird, this month… J came to visit for my birthday (woohoo!)… Then all of a sudden-- wham! I have a bunch of guys expressing an interest in me! There's JS, from Algebra; C (asked for my e-addy) from Health; JD; H (of course); and A's brother A… What to do? What to do? Do I ride out the wave, or jump for a guy? I think I'll ride… You never know who might join the crowd.

Ok, well, I need a piggy, so more later… Oh yeah, I started smoking too… and got glasses..

Later in the day… round 2:30 am or so

Okay, back to my ponderings of love and lust. I've thought about it, and I've reached a conclusion-- yes, I might love J, but I do love H. It's not the aching love/lust that I have for J, it's something deeper… It's like, I don't know, this quiet sense of affection, I guess. I still get chills every time we kiss, but I seriously care about his well being. Ahh, it all sounds so stupid on paper. But H knows I like A… He says it's obvious, but he wouldn't tell me how. The punk. lol. He got all weird about it though… didn't make a big fuss about it, but something just didn't feel right. Heh, if only he knew how many guys I actually like! 7 or so… Yeah, that sounds about right. Anywho, it's bedtime now… It's been bedtime for a while heh.

4 thoughts:

  • Optimistic Existentialist | January 10, 2014 at 5:09 AM

    There are so many different types of romantic love aren't there? Like the different love you describe for J and H.

  • Catherine | January 10, 2014 at 8:33 AM

    I have had my hair dyed black for years and I do find some people stare at me, especially older people, especially on days I'm dressed a little nuts and showing my tattoos.

    Oh well...it's a bit fun being over the top though. ;)

    xx, C

  • Cassandra | January 10, 2014 at 8:13 PM

    I think there are. Many, many types of love. I think what's most important, most defining, about true love (whatever form it takes) is that your concern for the other person's well being is predominant.

  • Cassandra | January 10, 2014 at 8:14 PM

    I agree. It is a big fun being over the top. I'm a bright red ginger right now, and I love it. No tattoos yet, though that is a fond desire of mine for the future at some point.

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